There are no easy answers in the name game
Before entering into holy matrimony, every bride-to-be has countless choices to make. Who will be in the bridal party? Which style of dress is best? How should the cake be decorated?
Yet one of the most far-reaching decisions has little to do with the big day itself, and everything to do with the years ensuing: What will the bride's married surname be?
Guys, in this case, have it easy. We ladies have these choices:
Strategy 1: Do nothing. At first glance, this seems like a hassle-free option. No need to change e-mail addresses, professional credentials and account information. Friends and colleagues know exactly who you are when you answer the phone. Yet the general public is unsure if you are married. Even those who know you have tied the knot wonder how to address you. Is it "Mr. Lee and Mrs. Kauhane" instead of the simpler "Mr. and Mrs. Lee"? Also, tradition prevails; barriers still exist if both parties do not have the same last name. Just last week, I learned of vouchers that are restricted to travelers with identical surnames.
Strategy 2: Hyphenate. Lately this seems to be a popular choice. However, hyphenating can create some fairly awkward-sounding nomenclature. For instance, my recently married sister-in-law jokes that her new surname, Miyao-Quock, reminds her of "Animal Farm" (think cats and ducks). Certain hyphenated names become so long that they fail to fit into the number of boxes allotted to "Last Name" on official forms. Others, like my former co-worker's new surname, Fay-Lauria, are mistaken for a middle and last name (Faye Lauria). And again, the question of how to properly address the married couple arises.
Strategy 3: Add a middle name. Since there's no law against having multiple middle names, one idea is for the wife to simply add her spouse's surname to her given name.
This is what I did, despite both my pastor and grandmother remarking that this would make my name too long. To their credit, now there definitely is an issue with filling out forms; none have the space for two middle names. Some of my accounts have ended up with the middle initial "T" for my given middle name Troy; others have the initial "Q" for my maiden-turned-middle name Quock, and frankly, I can't remember which are which.
Strategy 4: Wife's surname changes to husband's.
Many women resort to this customary route, especially after having children. It is easier to be referred to as "the Rivera family" rather than a hodgepodge of different first and last monikers.
However, adjusting to a new name takes time. My friend who changed her surname to Ling initially thought people were referring to her mother-in-law when they asked for "Mrs. Ling."
Nostalgia also sinks in once the old name is gone; another friend laments her loss of "Tsubakimoto," although she realizes that "Tsubakimoto-Nishio" would have been a bit of a mouthful.
Strategy 5: Husband's surname changes to wife's.
No one I know has actually done this. It's still a man's world out there.
I'm thankful, though, that at least modern-day brides have options. Genealogies, including my own family's, once only contained male names,so there has been progress. Of course, once the kids come along, that poses another naming challenge. ...
Monica Quock Chan is a freelance writer who lives in Honolulu with her husband and daughter.
Reach Monica Quock Chan at (Unknown address).
