You know a child-rearing book is good when you find yourself preaching its dogma to anyone who will listen — including your friends without kids.

In "Beyond Time-Out: From Chaos to Calm" (Sterling, $19.95), author Beth Grosshans tackles an epidemic she has titled "IFP," or Imbalance of Family Power. As in, the kids have too much.

If your house regularly descends into chaos over fairly routine endeavors — bedtime, mealtime, homework time, time-to-leave-the-house time — you've probably got a case of IFP. It can strike parents who yell and scream, as well as parents who reason and plead and take deep breaths. It's a product of 40 years of parenting advice that emphasized "talking, catering to children's feelings and exalting a child's self-esteem," said Grosshans. And it's got to stop.

"I'm in no way saying that paying attention to how kids feel isn't very important," she said in a recent phone interview. "It's just the pendulum has swung way too far. Parents have become way too intimidated."

A child psychologist, Grosshans has spent the last 15 years in private practice counseling families, so if kids have dished it out, she has seen it. And her book, she believes, can fix it.

"It's not a might-makes-right approach by any means," she said. "It's harnessing the natural power that parents have in the most loving, respectful way, but giving kids what they need most, and that's our leadership and our direction. We know better than they do."

Grosshans recommends a five-step discipline approach called The Ladder, which emphasizes acting over talking and consistently remaining in control. It's a system that can't be boiled down to a few sentences, but a few of the book's key passages will give you a feel for the overall approach.

Say something once. Give a reminder. And then act. One, two, act.

Keep any tone of anger or irritation out of your voice. Really, there shouldn't be any. You are dealing with a child, after all, and a child's failure to comply is hardly anything for an adult to get worked up about.

Give your child the opportunity to learn that your authority has to be respected and that you will settle for nothing less.

The more often you assert your clear and firm leadership, the more comfortable you will feel.

The book often seems geared toward parents of small children, but there are lessons that apply to older kids too. And, Grosshans points out, "Kids don't grow out of IFP." If anything, she says, it gets worse with age.

"As the years accumulate and the power of the child increases, it can get very ugly," she said. "The stakes change and it's no longer just about jumping on the coffee table."

Unchecked, kids who struggle with IFP end up "floundering, having trouble with accountability, ill-prepared for decision-making, lacking a sense of purpose, blaming others too easily, thin-skinned, an overwhelming sense of entitlement...." Do we need to go on?

You can't swing a rolled-up parenting magazine these days without hitting somebody wringing his or her hands about our overly entitled, thin-skinned kids. But it's nice to read a book that plans to do something about it — and plans to do so peacefully.