My husband and I were standing at the checkout stand at Longs the other day, when an elderly woman came up behind us. I turned to her and we exchanged pleasantries. I noticed that she had lots of bags of cookies, in all shapes and sizes.

When I pointed that out to her, she told me a story of how, while working in the yard one day, she saw two older guys, watching her home.

Being a wife of a retired police officer, she remembered the advice given to her by her husband: "If you want to know what's going on, ask the kids in the neighborhood."

One day while it was raining, a few of the neighborhood kids came into her garage to get out of the rain. They had done this before, but this time she offered them some cookies.

Later while waiting for the school bus, they would sit in her garage. She offered them cookies again.

It got to the point where the kids were now hanging out at her place. They would help her unload her groceries and later she would offer to help them with their homework.

"I don't know when those guys stopped watching my home," she remarked.

One thing for sure, she had gathered to herself an instant Neighborhood Watch team.

Now the kids ride by on their bike waving to her, or some kids often come into the yard and help work in her garden. Just making friends with the neighborhood kids turned what could have been a potentially dangerous situation into something that worked out well for her and the kids in the neighborhood.

Instead of being the old lady that lives on the block, she is now the cookie lady.

I'm always amazed when an opportunity comes that can help us change the way we think about the people we live with in our community.

If we can choose to make new friends, there are fewer enemies in our neighborhood, community, place of business.

In my friend's case, her decision to make friends stopped her isolation and her loneliness. It also made her less vulnerable, because her "friends" are now watching out for her.

We often live our lives by what we think, but if we understand that our thinking is just thoughts, thoughts can be changed. Then, when something new is introduced into our lives, it makes it easier for us to accept and move on.

In my case, we have so many children that I wasn't open to having the neighborhood kids come over and add to my number. So all the kids played somewhere else, knowing how I felt.

I realized that having my kids invite their friends over to our home meant that I would always know where my kids were.

Now the neighborhood kids, whom I know by name, open my front door and walk in.

Still, I try to sort out whose kids belong where and get them out by 9 p.m.

One night I yelled, "Time for everybody to go home."

I heard this kid in the background reply, "I am home!"

I smiled.

I changed my thoughts, and so had the kids in the neighborhood.

A. Lee Totten, mother of 11, has adopted seven foster children.