Want to get your name on the front page of the papers and be the top story on the local newscast?

Print up some T-shirts that say "security" on the back and storm 'Iolani Palace, claiming you own the place. Say you're the new king of Hawai'i, cousin of the old king of Hawai'i. Works every time.

Even better if you have a long but unimpressive record of arrests, lawsuits and peccadillos. That will ensure follow up stories for weeks.

Conversely, if you want to work for Hawaiian sovereignty but wish to toil in obscurity, wear one of those ubiquitous Kau Inoa shirts and work on the Akaka bill. That effort will never grab headlines until it is either passed by some unimaginable twist of politics in Congress or killed for good.

Storming the palace is much more Mission Impossible. That's why these guys do it. The Web site for the latest self-appointed king of Hawai'i laments that his 1998 "coronation" and various diplomatic acts on behalf of Hawai'i are subjected to a "virtual media blackout." They were looking for publicity.

It is too simple to blame the media. You can't very well have groups of self-declared royalty taking over government buildings by force, even if the force is just "big body," and then have news outlets ignore it because it's a bunch of make-pretend royalty who are convinced they have DOCUMENTS. It would be like ignoring a bomb threat that clears the airport. Sure, the media is giving them the publicity they want, but the public was affected and has the right to know what the heck was going on.

Perhaps the coverage didn't have to take these folks so seriously. Some of the news stories called the guy His Majesty, for goodness sake.

But the upshot is, in the eyes of the masses, all Hawaiian sovereignty groups and efforts are lumped together, the crackpot to the erudite. To the Mainland media, which persist in calling everyone in Hawai'i "Hawaiian" despite style guides that attempt to clarify this point (Barack Obama was recently called a Native Hawaiian in a Time magazine article, and you know what they mean, but they don't know what they mean), these kinds of half-baked capture-the-flag shenanigans make all of the earnest, scholarly efforts toward Hawaiian self-determination seem unserious.

And worse, it gives way too much ammo to those who work so hard to discredit real Hawaiian rights activists. Every time another bunch storms the palace, they must laugh to themselves and clink champagne glasses because their dirty work is being done for them.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.