'AIEA — When Lili-Ann Hashimoto first started dating future husband Wendell Say about 25 years ago, she knew he was a football coach, knew what she was getting into ...

Sort of.

"I have three brothers, and three of them played football at Campbell," Lili-Ann said.

But when football season rolled around and she saw how much time Wendell — then an assistant coach at 'Aiea High School — would spend at the field, Lili-Ann began to fully understand what her life ahead would be like.

"Football is his first wife," she said, smiling. "I'm the 'other woman.' "

Now, with Wendell entering his 17th year as 'Aiea's head coach and son Kalei a starting senior linebacker, the Says' life revolves around Na Ali'i football more than ever.

And that's a good thing.

"It's more peaceful now," Lili-Ann said.

'CRAZY TIMES'

The Says, however, never were a dysfunctional family despite challenges that went beyond the normal coach-'ohana obstacles.

Their first child, Sara, was born with mental disabilities. Their second child, Kalei, was born in October 1991, shortly before Wendell took over as 'Aiea's head coach. And by the time youngest child, Kristi, was born in the mid-1990s, Wendell was juggling two jobs plus coaching while making the transition from working for the federal government to joining the 'Aiea faculty.

"It was rough when the kids were young," Lili-Ann said. "There were some crazy times, when he would go from one job to the next and sometimes he would just sleep in the locker room. Later on, he was taking classes to get his master's in counseling, and I was going to massage school to get my license as a masseuse.

"Thank God for his parents (Shorty and Lucy Say), and I have to give thanks to the Lord. that's what helped us through everything."

'MUST BE LOVE'

The job of football head coach, of course, involves much more than drawing X's and O's on a chalkboard.

There are jerseys to be washed, fields to be lined, grass to water ...

And games to scout.

"One time when we were still dating, I took (Lili-Ann) with me to scout a game at Wai'anae," Wendell said. "The principal saw us, and he told me, 'It must be love, if she comes with you all the way to Wai'anae to watch football.' "

It got even better — or worse, depending on how you look at it — later.

"After we got married, I sent her out to scout and shoot film of games I couldn't get to because we were playing (the same night)," Wendell said. "I would call the AD and say, 'Eh, my wife coming, so try let her in.' "

Lili-Ann said she learned to live the life of a coach's wife.

"My attitude changed — I didn't buck it anymore, I joined it," she said. "(Wendell) loves this school, and he gets so much support from the (athletic director) and principal. And ultimately, its about the kids."

Wendell, who once wrote an essay about Lili-Ann called "The Unsung Hero," said his wife saw how important coaching was to him.

"She always knew I loved the game; if it wasn't for football, I probably wouldn't have gone to college and graduated," said Wendell, who played at Leilehua and Linfield College. "I'm very fortunate that she understood and was so supportive. Coaching does take a lot of time, and a lot of guys don't do it for the long term.

"But she allowed me time to coach because she could see the changes in the (players), from the time the season starts until the end. She could see what a difference it makes, and she can understand why I do this."

'A GOOD MOVE'

Kalei was practically born into the 'Aiea program, as Wendell's first game as head coach came before Kalei's first birthday.

That meant while Wendell would be watering the field or tending to other matters at 'Aiea Stadium on Sundays, Kalei would be playing nearby.

"When I was 5 or 6 years old, my dad would take me to the school on Sundays and while he was washing jerseys, I would be running around on the field," Kalei said. "Later on, I was ball boy. I feel like I've been living here my whole life."

But since the Says live in Wahiawa and Kalei played his Pop Warner football for the Waihiawa Thunderbolts, he was not predestined to end up at 'Aiea.

"I left the decision up to him, and at the time he wanted to go with his friends to Leilehua," Wendell said. "I didn't want to put pressure on him as a son of the coach."

But things did not start well at Leilehua, and Kalei ended up transferring to 'Aiea after one semester.

"It wasn't a good experience, and he wasn't doing well in school," Wendell said. "I felt bad, because I didn't get to watch his games, and when I got home from practice it would be late and I was always scolding him to do his homework."

After transferring to 'Aiea, Kalei played on the JV as a sophomore and made an interception against his former teammates at Leilehua. He made the varsity last year as a safety and earned a starting job at linebacker this season.

More importantly, Kalei's everyday presence on the team has enriched the coaching experience of Wendell, who is the dean of O'ahu Interscholastic Association coaches.

"Wendell seemed a lot happier last year, when Kalei was on the team," said longtime offensive coordinator Amosa Amosa, who is beginning his first season as Campbell's head coach. "Now he has someone to talk to when he drives home."

Lili-Ann also noticed the relationship between Wendell and Kalei improve since Kalei joined Na Ali'i.

"It was a good move," she said. "It made them closer."

Kalei said he now sees up close how his dad spent many of his hours away from the family.

"When I was little, I wouldn't see him after games because he would come home so late," Kalei said. "He sacrifices a lot. He's reviewing film until 2 in the morning, he's always thinking of ways to have fundraisers."

MAKING MEMORIES

'Aiea kicked off another season on Aug. 15 with a home victory over crosstown rival Pearl City, and for the Says, it was all in the 'ohana: Wendell coached, Kalei played and Lili-Ann sold T-shirts.

"It's never routine," Lili-Ann said. "It's always interesting."

Especially this season, most likely Kalei's last one in a football uniform.

"I'm trying to remember every day of this year," Kalei said. "I want to make good memories."

For Wendell and Lili-Ann, 25 years of memories have gone zipping by in between all the washing of jerseys, lining of fields, watering of grass.

"We always tell the players to not take football for granted, because the reality is that it does go by fast," Wendell said. "You have to enjoy it before it's gone."