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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, December 13, 2008

Blown away by more than wind

By David Shapiro

There's no denying we're all wet this week as we once again plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

  • Some folks were caught off-guard by the torrential winds and rains that battered O'ahu. Those TV guys say "severe weather" so often it usually means small-craft advisory, not Noah's Ark.

  • The U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear a lawsuit challenging President-elect Barack Obama's Hawai'i birth. The conspiracists who brought the suit say they'll appeal to the high tribunal on their home planet.

  • Mayor Mufi Hannemann went to Chicago to pitch the Obama transition team on about $500 million in economic stimulus projects for Honolulu. I'm glad he wasn't there to put in a bid on the Senate seat.

  • Gov. Linda Lingle skipped a governors meeting with Obama in Philadelphia last week, but he wrote her that he's still interested in her ideas. That's the political equivalent of a makeup exam.

  • Lingle won't let 53,000 state employees have their usual half-day off on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve because of the budget crunch. Has it ever worked to grow the economy by fertilizing it with chickenpoo?

  • Some 500 Honolulu police officers rallied to protest Chief Boisse Correa's stringent treatment of officers accused of wrongdoing. The chief tried to shrug it off, but he was seen rubbing his chronic backache about a foot lower than usual.

  • Correa wants to release a video of two of the officers in question zapping a naked guy in Makakilo with a Taser. They'll have to show that shocking footage on the late news after the keiki are asleep.

  • Hawai'i hospitals rank below the national average in patient satisfaction, according to a federal survey. Imagine how much worse it could have been if the poll wasn't limited to the ones who lived.

  • Lost visitors could cost Waikiki billions of dollars if the beach keeps eroding, but a sizable number of Mainland and Japanese tourists say they'd still come even if the beach disappeared altogether. They must really like the silver guy.

  • Both elevators at a Chinatown public housing project for the elderly and disabled were down for four days. Are we so broke that we can't afford a conscience?

    And the quote of the week ... from attorney Gerard Jervis to a Lanikai neighbor who tried to cool him off after he chased down four high-school students who egged his house: "F-U haole, get out of my way." Why can't lawyers ever stop speaking in legalese?

    Reach David Shapiro at dave@volcanicash.net.