While waiting to pick up her Santa photos at Ala Moana Center, Lynnette Robinson admitted she's expecting a different kind of Christmas.

"Santa is being very conservative this year," said the Kane'ohe mom.

Like many parents across the Islands facing a tighter budget and shortened wish list, she's doing a pre-emptive Santa strike. She and her mom Jane O'Conner, who's visiting from Samoa, sat down Robinson's 9-year-old son, Noah, and O'Conner's 6-year-old adopted daughter, Louanne, for a chat.

"We went through the lists together," said Lynnette Robinson as the clerk scanned her credit card. "We asked, what do you really want and what do you really need?"

Lesson No. 1, separating out wants from needs, was followed quickly by Lesson No. 2.

"Then out of that," Robinson continued, "what do you really, really want and what do you really, really need?"

Parenting experts both here and nationally agree that kids today have too much stuff, and perhaps instead of focusing on what to put under the tree, the emphasis should be on the real spirit of the holiday.

Dr. Bill Sears, who was in Hawai'i last week for a series of workshops, goes even further in his assessment of the economic downturn:

"I think this the best thing that ever happened to the holidays," he said.

Say what?

"Now parents have an opportunity to shine, to turn a problem into an opportunity," said the father of eight who has written more than 30 books on childcare. "That's a lesson in life.

"Parenting in a nutshell is teaching your children the tools to succeed in life. What better tool is there than to learn how to overcome adversity?"

His oldest sons, both of whom are in practice with him now as physicians, still fondly remember a Christmas back when they were 3 and 5. Dad, then a low-paid intern, brought home $2 worth of lumber in the station wagon, tied a few flags on it and dumped it in the basement.

"It was great!" the eldest Sears recalled. "They thought it was a bunch of blocks."

Don't just discuss the wish list in bad times, suggests Dr. Loren Yamamoto, author of "Tidbits on Raising Children," who has penned an entire chapter on this very topic.

"Present your kids with what they ought to wish for: peace on Earth, good will to all," said Yamamoto, a pediatrician at Kapi'olani Medical Center for Women & Children. "They must convince us that what they want for Christmas is more important than that."

He found that his own children realized their wishes weren't any better than peace and good will, so they adjusted their wishes and came to be happy for what they have.

"We're too materialistic in general," added Yamamoto. "Other things are more important."

Spotted poking around the Santa booth at Ala Moana was Sophia Ling, 2, and her older sister, Hayley Ling, 5 3/4. They were there with their mom and grandmother, Barbara Grohe of Seattle, who played Santa by giving her family a Hawai'i visit.

"We decided what we would give each other is experiences," said Grohe, adding, "and memories of their grandparents."

Sears seconds that sentiment.

"It's relationships, not stuff, that makes our family happy," he said.

"The economic necessities force us to sit back and say, what is important here? ... It's a chance to go from a stuff-related Christmas to a relationship-related Christmas."

Sears said he wouldn't share economic worries with young children, though older children might better be able to face the realities of a job loss or a pay cut.

"It's also a chance to focus on what they do have," he added. "To say, we have each other, we have our health, we're going to have fun. On the surface, they might not like that, but down deep, they're going to come around. Is it more challenging? Absolutely. It's easier to go out and buy stuff."

Those are words of comfort to Hawai'i Kai mom Kili Gerell, whose 2-year-old son Makia's list is quite short: All he asked Santa for was an elephant.

Yes, a real one.

Gerell sees a different Christmas, and welcomes the change.

"I have some girlfriends who are very crafty, and they're making a lot of homemade crafts, and we have plans to go to a green craft fair," she said. "We're trying to be a little more resourceful and creative in ways to give.

"We just get a little too obscene, the amount we spend and receive. ... It teaches us to use more self-control and to focus on something besides things, and to focus on family and being grateful for what we have."