I've used the phrase "Catch-22" from the Joseph Heller novel thousands of times, but you never really know the feeling until you're caught in the middle of it.

My mother-in-law from the Big Island is on O'ahu recuperating from heart-bypass surgery, and my wife and I are trying to help her take care of some legal paperwork while she's here.

The catch is that she's led a relatively invisible life for 77 years in Kea'au and we're having trouble identifying her to lawyers, notaries and government agencies.

Specifically, she has no picture ID.

Mom hasn't had a driver's license since she gave up her car for medical reasons 25 years ago. They don't require a passport for travel from Hilo to Kona - yet - so she has never obtained one. Her two trips to Honolulu since 9/11 have been for medical emergencies, so they cut her slack at the airport.

The problem struck when the notary couldn't witness her signature on the legal documents for lack of picture ID.

We thought of obtaining a quick picture ID by applying her for a senior bus pass or a Costco card, but that didn't fly with notaries who wished to keep their licenses. Only an official Hawai'i state identification card would do.

So off to the Department of Health to get papers she needed to prove who she was - a certified copy of her birth certificate and her marriage certificate to document her name change.

They were nice and made copies right away, but my wife noticed later that Mom was listed on the birth certificate as a male.

She was pretty sure she wasn't the product of Hawa'i's first same-sex marriage in 1948, so back to the Department of Health to get it fixed.

We thought we had everything we needed to get a state picture ID and have the legal documents signed before Mom completes rehab and returns to the Big Island, but that was when the real Catch-22 kicked in.

The attorney general's office, which oversees the state ID, requires along with the birth certificate and marriage certificate an original Social Security card, which Mom lost long ago.

The Social Security Administration won't issue a replacement card without seeing picture identification - a driver's license, a passport or a state ID.

I called the Social Security office and the lady I spoke with was sympathetic as I explained that the only ID Mom has is her medical insurance card.

She said they might accept that if it had Mom's date of birth on it and her Social Security number, which it didn't. She said we might get around it if her doctor signed a letter verifying her identity, but the doctor listed on the insurance card was assigned by Medicare for administrative purposes and has never actually seen Mom.

"There could be another problem," the lady said. "Without picture ID, she can't get into the Federal Building to apply."

She offered a solution. "If she signs the application, you can drop it off for her with her ID or she can send it in by mail."

I was confused. "If she doesn't have to be there so you can compare her to her picture, then what's the point of requiring a picture ID?"

Deliverance! A relative we didn't think to ask just found a stash of Mom's old documents that may have something we can use. Maybe I won't have to follow Heller's Yossarian and have myself certified officially insane.

Reach David Shapiro at dave@volcanicash.net.

David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. His columns are archived at www.volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.