To many parents, the mere mention of sleepovers can trigger visions of sleepless nights and cranky kids the day after.

Some moms wonder how to know whether their child is ready to leave the nest overnight.

Others struggle with the whole idea of sending a child to another home: How well do they really know the parents?

Moms who are veterans of this childhood tradition say good preparation and ground rules are the keys to a sleepover that your child will love and that won't keep you awake with worry.

Sleepover chants often begin around kindergarten or first grade. But experienced moms say age shouldn't be a deciding factor. The key is emotional readiness.

"It's important to hone into each individual child and their comfort zone," says Amy Hauser, a mother of two in Johnston, Iowa.

Family-studies experts agree. Don't ever try to talk your child into a sleepover, advises Sedahlia Crase, a family-studies professor at Iowa State University. "A desire to go to a sleepover needs to be shown by the child," she says, even if that doesn't happen until well past kindergarten.

Crase had a friend whose child wasn't comfortable with sleepovers until age 9. Until then, "the family would come up with a reason to pick up the child prior to bedtime, thus protecting her from having friends make fun of her or treat her as immature," she recalls.

It's not unusual for children to be comfortable with sleepovers for a period of time and then change their minds.

Hauser's son, now 12, began sleepovers in first grade. Then a disagreeable time at overnight camp soured him on sleepovers for a while.

Many mothers prefer that first sleepovers happen with relatives or close friends. Even later, some moms restrict sleepovers only to families they know well from their circle of friends.

"The most important thing is to know the family," advises Lisa Newman of West Des Moines. She and her husband have four children, ages 8, 13, 18 and 20.

As children reach middle school, Newman says, it gets harder to stay close to the families of your children's friends. "So I make sure the parents will be home, that they'll be there for the whole night. Generally, I have a preference for sleepovers at our house."

Some families make it a rule - not a preference - to only allow sleepovers at their home. Others ban sleepovers of any kind, reasoning that you can't be too careful these days.

But Crase is reluctant to support a ban. She feels children should have the sleepover experience at their own homes and others as well. "If we rear our children well, they will be able to use good judgment when confronted with unfamiliar situations," says the mother of two grown children.

Moms, too, see value in the sleepover experience. "It develops a friendship on another level. Conflicts are going to come up, and they learn how to resolve those with friends," Hauser says.

Another plus, adds Hauser, is "they get to see how another family functions." Newman agrees. "It reinforced that my family's standards weren't weird!"

TIPS FOR PLANNING A SLEEPOVER AT YOUR PLACE

• Limit the guest list. If it's the first time, start with one.

• Review evening plans with your child ahead of time - games, crafts, snacks, when lights out will be.

• Give visitors a quick house tour, including where bathrooms are.

• Have nightlights in key spots.

• Allow time after lights out for children to share secrets or giggle. But agree on a real sleep deadline, and stay awake until the children are asleep.

• Be attuned to signs of being homesick or afraid. Let a child call home, no matter the hour, to talk with parents.

Your child's been invited to a sleepover?

Here are some tips if your child is going to a sleepover:

• Keep it upbeat: Tell them to have a good time.

• Stress that they can call at any time for any reason. If you will be going out of the house, give them your cell phone number if you have one.

• Talk openly about how they might feel homesick. Pack a comfort item like a stuffed animal.

• Remain close by and ready to come for them quickly, no matter the hour. Even the bravest child may waver at 2 a.m. in an unfamiliar house. If you do get the wake-up call, be reassuring.

• When you pick them up the next day, ask about their special evening — if they had fun, what they did, what they ate, where they slept and when (if ever!).

Join our HawaiiMoms.com discussion: When can sleepovers start?