KAPOLEI — After years of contemplation, a golfer from Europe once claimed that ski jumping was the only sport other than golf capable of thoroughly shredding a person's psyche. Those who have tried either or both know his wisdom and have felt his pain.

Talk about crash-and-burn sports. Or, for those young enough to remember the opening scene from "Wide World of Sports, the agony of defeat.

At 18, Michelle Wie knows nothing of Wide World of Sports, but an immense amount about the thrills and spills of golf. After what she experienced last year, from the physical problems to the mental anguish and random acts of rudeness, she truly knows how hard the landing can be when the game doesn't come as easily as it did at age 12.

That was how old she was when she became the youngest ever to qualify for an LPGA tournament, back in 2002. A year later, she was the youngest in the 108-year history of the USGA to win an "adult" national championship. A year after that she was the youngest to play in a PGA Tour event, missing the cut at the 2004 Sony Open in Hawai'i by a shot. A year later she reached the quarterfinals of the U.S. — not women's — Public Links and at 16 she was the first female to advance to U.S. Open sectional qualifying.

That same year, she finished in the top five at eight LPGA events, collecting $731,000 to supplement an estimated annual off-the-course income of $12 million.

Last year, Wie suffered through a sore right wrist, fractured left wrist, three missed cuts, two withdrawals, assorted controversies and an overall score of 110-over par.

No wonder, hours away from tomorrow's 7:15 a.m. starting time in the first round of the Fields Open in Hawai'i, she is wondering which Wie will show up at Ko Olina Golf Club. Will it be the prodigy who came one putt from a playoff on her home course two years ago, or the wild woman who couldn't find the fairways in 2007?

She is home for the first time since graduating from Punahou in May. For all of Stanford's academic attributes — and Wie is about to take a leave of absence after her second college semester to "play a lot more tournaments" — it can't teach her how to be in contention again or cure what has become known as Wie's "driving yips." It cannot cure the loss of confidence that collided with injury and swing problems to make 2007 such a downer.

"You know, confidence, you really can't make confidence," Wie said. " I really feel like you have to play to get confidence and gain confidence. You just have to just remember the stuff that you did and it's really hard for me to explain. But really just do it. You can't really talk about confidence. You can't really just be like, 'Oh, I'm going to be confident,' and be like, 'Boom, I'm confident, yeah!' You just have to really work through it.

"It was a really long process for me to gain my confidence back, because obviously I wasn't confident. I just, you know, was feeling bad in myself and didn't know what to do. It's a work in progress. Every shot that I hit good, I put it in my memory bank and I'm like, yeah, I remember what that felt like. It's a work in progress and I feel like I talk a lot about confidence, and I'm just going to have confidence and positive thoughts. But it's not only that, you have to actually perform to gain confidence."

Wie talked often and predictably yesterday of staying in the present and enjoying life, being stronger and recalling all the good times and swings and aching to repeat them.

She also let on that she is not sure where her golf ball will go tomorrow — "just keep the ball in play, keep my round going" — and that her wrist is "never going to be like it was before."

She still appears happy outside the ropes, but only time — starting with this tournament — will tell what is going on inside the ropes, and her head.

"I think this is really big," said former Rainbow Wahine Cindy Rarick, who has played on this tour since 1985. "She's probably putting a lot of pressure on herself. She wants to get back her reputation — Michelle Wie, the next world beater, the next one to challenge Annika (Sorenstam) and Lorena (Ochoa). I'm sure she wants to get back on her game so she can be recognized for that. Last summer she was crucified in the press."

Rarick's most vivid memory of Wie is from when they played together in the Hawai'i State Open when Wie was 13. Wie won by 13 shots and Rarick was blown away by her exceptional talent, composure and "sweetness."

Rarick has watched that unravel the last 19 months.

"Her swing doesn't look that much different but she was doing something different than when she was playing great and had it on automatic ..." Rarick said. "She was way off line and that's not typical of Michelle Wie drives.

"I think she's young enough to be able to come back. Hopefully, she's already out of it, it was a temporary deal with whatever was going on ... too much to handle all at once and injuries.

"Maybe she can just come out and play. We'll find out Thursday, obviously."

If Rarick wasn't going to be playing across the course, she would like to watch with the rest of Hawai'i.

"I expect to see a huge gallery," Rarick said. "I'm hoping she does well and the people of Hawai'i will still support her and root her on."