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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, February 25, 2008

Even drive-time can be quality time

By Sheila Rayam
Rochester (N.Y.) Democrat and Chronicle

Eat less and exercise more. Quit smoking and start reading.

Resolutions rolled off the tongues of many ahead of the start of the year.

While individuals strive toward personal goals, some families have new resolve, too - to spend more time with each other.

Of course, finding hours in the day to share with loved ones isn't as easy as it sounds.

"I think in general, families want to spend time together, but society has changed so drastically that there's just so many activities that kids are involved in these days," says Robin Shiffrin, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Henrietta, N.Y.

These activities can get in the way of family time.

"There's also pressure from these activities - which are often very, very good activities - but there is this pressure to commit," making it hard for families to feel like they can take time off.

The good news is, even with soccer practice or music lessons, families can still spend quality time together.

In fact, that time can start in the car on the way to little Johnny or Jane's game.

Dr. Shahida Rehmani, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Unity Health System in Rochester, N.Y., says quality time is one-to-one interaction.

"Driving Jane or John to the football game can be really useful," says Rehmani.

"If you are driving them to the football game, you can get so much out of them about their life in those 10, 15 minutes. But that has to be just you and that person and not the radio in between (or) talking to other people on the cell phone."

Having dinner together tops Shiffrin's and Rehmani's lists of ways family can maximize quality time.

"There is an awful lot of data out there that show that having dinner together does make a huge difference for children's development, that when they do have family dinners, kids who do, do better in school (and) engage in less risky behavior," adds Shiffrin.

The Pignone family of Greece, N.Y., eats dinner together every day.

"That's an absolute must in our house," says Tami Pignone, a special education monitor in the Greece Central School District.

When her son, Brandon Falkner, 10, asks to take his plate and eat in the other room, Pignone's answer is, "Absolutely not. Eat at the table with us."

Pignone, also a day care provider for two families in her neighborhood in the summer and during school breaks, suggests playing board games and doing arts and crafts projects as other strategies for quality time.

Pignone also takes the children in her charge on nature hikes in the summer to search for caterpillars and small toads.

Not only is taking a hike a good way to learn about nature, it's also a good way to get some exercise.

Getting fit is one way Barbara Melnyk, owner and publisher of Genesee Valley Parent magazine, recommends families spend time together.

As reports of childhood obesity continue to surface, Melnyk suggests that parents who exercise in a gym find ways they can exercise side-by-side with their child.

"Instead of going on a treadmill, do winter walks, especially those that have an educational (component)," adds Melnyk.

No matter what families do together, Rehmani says, it's the quality of the time they spend together, not the quantity, that counts. Even if it's only one half-hour.

If "it's time that is geared to the children only and there are no interruptions, then that is more important" than being with children for a longer period of time without any real interaction, says Rehmani.

Speaking of time, parents should keep in mind that there comes a day when children don't want to be around mom and dad as much.

It's called adolescence.

"It's a positive developmental thing," says Shiffrin. "It's just a part of growing up. There is generally less family time but ... there still can be quality time. Parents have to be more creative in terms of how to figure out when to find the time and not get into a power battle with kids."