To be honest, I'm not a clubber.

Give me 15 seconds and I can come up with 27 things I'd rather do than stand chest to shoulder blade in a room full of people who can barely move (oh, but they try!) to the beat of the latest Rihanna tune.

I'm a concert person. A bar person. A drinks-on-the-lanai person. An aku belly and Heineken pau-hana with auntie so-and-so doing her best falsetto version of "'E Hihiwai" person.

I'm not a club person.

But if I were, I'd be at Pearl Ultralounge every Friday night for Candy Bar, along with every other clubber on the island.

CANDY BAR

Where: Pearl Ultralounge, Ala Moana Center, third floor

When: Every Friday, 9 p.m.-4 a.m.

Getting in: Generally free before 9 p.m., $10 until 10 p.m., $15 after that $15 at the door

Dress code: Oh, it's on. Dress your best or take the party over to the Mai Tai Bar. Tonight, wear red, white and blue and forgo the dress code. But only for tonight.

Who you'll see: If you can see past the back of the person in front of you, you'll notice that the place is full (by full, I mean packed) with one type of person: well-dressed socialite types who know they look good.

And the shrieking girls that the other gender talks about when making a case for male sanity versus female frailty? They're here. And they're shriekier than you remember.

(Scream!) "Oh, my God!" (Scream ... scream ... scream!) "Oh, my God!" (Scream!)

And when you consider that the music is loud enough to drown out all conversation, you know you're dealing with a high-caliber scream.

You'll also see Star 101.9's Maleko (does the guy ever sleep?), the official Candy Bar emcee, rocking the most flamboyant threads this side of Vegas.

What you'll hear: Candy Bar has this city's best playlist, hands down.

Easy, music snobs. Don't get your hopes up.

There's no Los Campesinos!, Air France or Sigur Rós. There's not even Hot Chip, Coldplay or Vampire Weekend.

We're talking poppy-pop dance tunes. The kind that everyone knows (whether you admit it or not) and the kind that sound great pounding through the system of a crowded club.

At around midnight, this is what was playing: "Poison" by Bell Biv Devoe, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by the Eurythmics, "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa and "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett.

In that order.

The best.

Give me a beat: Promoters Flash Hansen and Matty Boy Hazelgrove, in a stroke of party genius, have upped the beat factor by bringing in guest percussionists who play over the dance tracks, making the rhythm extra-hardhitting.

Dance, dance, but no revolution here: Can we just stop already with the go-go dancers? Unless you're a San Francisco club in 1991 or a gay club, move on.

Or maybe we like staying a decade behind the rest of the free world?

The heat factor: Super, super hot. The place is like a sauna — steamy body heat galore.

Raising the bar: The bar staff is efficient, but not always happy to be there. But keep tipping. They perk up eventually.

The price of a club soda with lime: $3.

Read her blog, "Scene It," at http://sceneit.honadvblogs.com.