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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, July 27, 2008

Uninterrupted sleep isn't part of living the new-parent life

By Monica Quock Chan

You've heard of being sleepless in Seattle? New parents lack shut-eye no matter where they live.

For most of my pre-mom life, I was fairly well-rested.

It started young: My mother made sure my brother and I went down for a nap every afternoon. It was probably so she could catch a few Zs herself. We were hardly ever fatigued.

During one vacation, I woke up early in the bed next to my parents, and waited for what seemed like forever for them to rise.

"Wow, they're still sleeping!" I thought. "How come they're so tired?"

Later, during high school, standard bedtimes were enforced. In college, I only pulled one all-nighter, not for academics' sake, but rather to help plan a farewell party for the senior class.

During graduate school, I stayed up through the night once to finish a team marketing project. I zonked out for most of the next day, woke up briefly for dinner, and then entered dreamland until the next morning.

In the ensuing years, if anyone asked what my pet peeve was, I would reply promptly, "Not getting enough sleep."

My husband also got a good night's rest for most of his life, likewise pulling just one all-nighter for his studies. After my spouse entered the medical field, however, his sleep was often interrupted by emergency calls. Internship, with its up to 36-hour rotations, was the most strenuous. Once he dozed off in the middle of a social gathering after having been on call in the hospital the previous night. Now despite (or maybe because of) years of being paged at random hours, he still functions best with at least eight hours of rest.

With our mutual need for repose, my hubby and I were therefore overwhelmed after giving birth to our first child. A formidable feeding schedule designed to improve our neonate's weight meant extreme sleep deprivation for the initial fortnight.

"This is worse than internship!" exclaimed my normally mellow spouse. "There are no breaks!"

Soon my husband was retiring in another room to preserve his on-the-job alertness, while I continued to wake up every few hours around the clock to feed, and whenever our daughter cried. Even after our little one, at age 3 months, began snoozing through the night (hallelujah!), I remained on a 24/7 schedule. If, out of exhaustion, I slept for four hours straight, I was plagued by plugged ducts and occasionally mastitis. Finally, after nursing ended, I was able to miraculously conk out for a full night.

To some degree, rest will never be the same again for us or any parent. Loud noises, illnesses, bathroom visits and imagined monsters in the closet all serve to disrupt a family's slumber. Later, parents toss and turn, worried over their teenager's safe return from evening outings.

Parenting requires many sacrifices. An uninterrupted snooze is certainly one of them. Though I am not sure when my husband and I will ever feel truly rested again, when I see our family joyfully together, I feel that we have gained far more than we have forgone.

Monica Quock Chan is a freelance writer who lives in Honolulu with her husband and children.

Reach Monica Quock Chan at islandlife@honoluluadvertiser.com.