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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, June 8, 2008

Kudos to parents who lay down the law

By John Rosemond
McClatchy-Tribune News Service

About 10 years ago, I created two files that have been growing ever since.

One is labeled "RALPH," which stands for Rosemond's Awfully Ludicrous Parenting Honors. Into it I put true stories that are, as the title indicates, ludicrous, like the story of the 7-year-old boy who took his parents' car and drove to the store to get a box of his favorite cereal. The cereal company rewarded him with a year's supply and a new bicycle. Hello?

The other file, which grows more slowly than the former, is labeled "Parenting at its Best!" It receives stories of parents who have swum righteously against the prevailing parenting tides, often becoming the object of much criticism in the process. The parents in the latter category are role models, as are Billy Bob and Lillian (not their real names), the parents of a sixth-grade boy who decided that he was too cool for school, and the rules were for fools, but who's now singing "Don't be Cruel."

On his latest report card, George (not his real name either) brought home three C's and notes from his teachers indicating he wasn't paying attention in class or working at his full potential. Seems he was spending a good amount of class time drawing cartoons and reading books he found more entertaining than those assigned by his teachers. His parents immediately suspended social events, television, and computer privileges until further notice. They sent a letter to the teachers thanking them for giving them a heads-up on George's attitude.

"We have explained to him that the glorious days of elementary school are over and it is now time to buckle down and put forth his best effort," they wrote. "Besides hurting his grades, it is also rude of him to not give you his undivided attention." They closed by assuring the teachers of their full support and asking them to keep them posted concerning any future problems.

Lillian later told me the teachers seemed genuinely shocked that she and Billy Bob had backed them up so unconditionally and been willing to call their son's rude behavior for exactly what it was. Their shock reflects the sad state into which American parenting has deteriorated over the past generation or so. Once upon a time, when children caused problems for their teachers, their parents lowered the boom at home. That was a guarantee.

When today's teachers are so bold to point out problems to parents, they hear all manner of excuses from "he is bored in your class" to "he thinks you don't like him" and all manner of equal ludicrousness in between. In short, a child misbehaves and a teacher ends up on the hot seat.

So, Lillian and Billy Bob, you are champions in a time when champions are hard to come by. Thank you from those of us who know that proper parenting makes for a more civil world. (When I checked just before submitting this column, George was finishing the year with four A's and three B's.)

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his Web site, www.rosemond.com.