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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, May 2, 2008

Looking back, she did know best — thanks, Mom

 •  Famous Island 'kids' reflect

By Zenaida Serrano
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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Of all the life lessons Kathy Ebey's mother passed on to her, there's one Ebey will never forget: how to paint.

Not pictures, but things like walls, fences and window trims.

"It may not be the most important (lesson), but it is the one I will always remember because she always used to say, 'Some day you'll thank me for this,' " said Ebey, 61, of 'Aiea. "Although it took a long time, it is the one thing she taught me that I have specifically thanked her for."

It's funny what maternal words of wisdom stick to us over the years.

As Mother's Day nears, readers reflected on those timeless tidbits of maternal teachings. We asked readers: What lesson did your mother pass on to you that you have come to treasure? From the practical — don't loan something you can't afford to lose — to the profound — trust yourself to do your best — it seems moms' advice spans the spectrum.

"Mothers just know so much about so much," said Lindsay Takekawa, 16, of Kane'ohe.

Among the simple lessons from her mother that Takekawa has come to appreciate: Sit up straight. Don't talk with your mouth full. Always say "please" and "thank you."

For Ebey, a retired Navy civilian worker, knowing how to paint meant saving money over the years.

Growing up, Ebey spent every summer painting things like the exterior of her family home and their wooden fence — thanks to the urging of her mother, Harriet Kelly, now 90, of Huron, S.D.

That kind of know-how has come in handy, especially after Ebey and her husband bought their first single-family house in Hawai'i.

"It has been over 20 years since we have had to pay anybody to paint our house," Ebey e-mailed. "I have also kept the inside painted, which allows me to change colors of rooms frequently for only the cost of a couple of gallons of paint. It never ceases to amaze me when somebody — even guys — ask me how I ever learned to paint. Didn't everyone's mom teach them that?"

ADVICE FOR EVERY DAY

No TV.

That's one "mom rule" that took years for Mililani resident Jan Kemp, 50, to fully appreciate.

"Except for 'Wonderful World of Disney' on Sunday nights, my mother, Yukie Ueoka (now 85, of Wailuku), never allowed us kids to watch television," e-mailed Kemp, a chief human- resources officer. "This rule remained in place until I reached high school. I resented that awkward feeling I would always get when the middle-school recess conversations inevitably turned to what happened the night before on 'Courtship of Eddie's Father.' "

While Kemp may have felt deprived growing up, now she is grateful her mom discouraged the couch potato way.

"It makes for a better lifestyle," Kemp said. "There are so many other things to do."

Rather than wasting away in front of the tube, Kemp opts to walk her dog, craft, read or have coffee with her daughter.

"Yet, you know, I still get that awkward feeling when the office gang starts discussing the latest dramas on 'Desperate Housewives' and 'Grey's Anatomy,' " Kemp joked. "But don't get me wrong — I do know about McDreamy!"

PRACTICAL ADVICE

Growing up, CJ Burrell also received practical advice from her mother, the late Alice Jane Knight Brattin, that guides Burrell to this day.

The Downtown Honolulu resident, 60, remembers two lessons, including: "Do not ever, under any circumstances, loan anything to anyone that you cannot afford to lose," e-mailed Burrell, a nurse practitioner.

The second lesson came after Burrell graduated from college in 1973, when she got a new car.

"My mother said to me, 'I want you to promise me one thing.' Of course I thought she would extract a promise from me not to drink and drive, not to pick up hitchhikers or something like that," Burrell e-mailed.

Burrell was surprised by her mother's response.

"She said, 'I want you to promise me that you will not get upset when you find the first scratch or ding or chip on this beautiful new finish. It will happen, no matter how careful you are,' " Burrell recalled her mother saying.

"She was right. That 1973 Pontiac Firebird is long gone, but whenever I have something beautiful and new, I remember my mother's words of wisdom. Something will happen to mar it eventually and there is no point getting upset when it happens."

ON LIFE AND LOVE

As a young adult about 33 years ago, Donna Cadiente got a job at Sears in Pearlridge Center. Her mother, Marie Bartolome, also worked at Sears, but at the Waipahu store.

Since they worked for the same company, Cadiente's mom, now 79 and from Waipahu, was quick to tell Cadiente: "Don't embarrass me!" recalled Cadiente, 54, also from Waipahu.

"I never knew what she meant until my girls grew up and now I tell them, 'Don't embarrass me!' " said Cadiente, an inventory specialist.

The late Shirley Gilleland's words of wisdom for her son, Michael Gilleland, of Kailua, included a lesson on love.

"My mother used to say to me beginning when I was a young teenager and whenever given the opportunity: 'Michael, it is not love that makes the world go 'round, it is money,' " e-mailed the semi-retired merchant seaman and musician, 59. "Women's intuition indicated to her that (I) was already an incurable romantic."

She was a very smart woman, Gilleland said. "I was not smart enough to heed her advice," quipped Gilleland, who has been married three times.

Takekawa, the Kane'ohe teen, said of all the advice she has received from her mother Erena, 46, one has outshined the rest.

"Don't let anything or anyone hold you back from doing your best," e-mailed Takekawa, a Roosevelt High School student. "Whenever I come upon a struggle in my day, whether it's at school or sports, I always think of this simple line. It gives me the strength and confidence to know that I can accomplish anything if I give it my all."

The confidence Takekawa has because of her mother's guidance is "amazing," Takekawa said.

"My mother's wise words help me through everyday problems," Takekawa said. "With this lesson I know I can be as strong a person, just like my mom."

Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@honoluluadvertiser.com.