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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, November 7, 2008

PEOPLE ARE BECOMING WEDDING OFFICIANTS OVER THE WEB
More the marriers

By Mary Kaye Ritz
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Howard Keller officiated at the wedding of Christopher, his grandson, and Carrie Kadohiro.

Photo courtesy of Jane Kadohiro

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WEDDING OFFICIANTS IN HAWAI'I

Besides judges, the state allows church ministers to officiate at weddings. What constitutes a "minister"? The answer ranges as wide as far and wide as what constitutes a religion.

To license a marriage officiant, the state of Hawai'i requires documentation from a church attesting that the minister is a member in good standing. (People who have joined online ministries suggest others request that letter from the denomination at least a month in advance of the wedding.)

The Universal Life Church's Web site lists information about what different states require of their marriage officiants:

www.themonastery.org

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Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Dr. Joyce Cassen Levey

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Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Darlene Wedemeyer, center, performed the marriage ceremony for Jennifer Humphrey and Richard Brink.

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Humphrey

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Howard Keller married his grandson. Dr. Joyce Cassen Levey married her brother and niece. Darlene Wedemeyer married her daughter's two dear friends.

Call them the hitch-makers: They were able to officiate at their loved ones' weddings, thanks to minister's licenses obtained via the Internet.

Sitcoms are integrating this trend into story lines. Take, for example, "The New Adventures of Old Christine," in which star Julia Louis-Dreyfus' character marries her best pal, played by Wanda Sykes, to keep her in the country, and her brother officiates. The punch line? Something like: "By the state of California and the online community, I now pronounce you ... "

Levey, of East Honolulu, found herself increasingly taking on the role of spiritual leader in her family. She'd led the prayers during graveside services for family members, so it seemed a natural progression when her brother asked her to witness his wedding in the Jewish tradition. Not long after that, Levey's niece asked her to officiate again.

Keller, 85, became an officiant so he could perform the wedding ceremony for his grandson, Christopher Kadohiro, a former Hawai'i resident.

Kadohiro said Grandpa Keller made their day all the more special.

"I come from a very multicultural family," said Kadohiro, who is general manager of Roy's in Pasadena, Calif. "My dad's family is Buddhist, my wife's mom Catholic, and I went to a Baptist school and (Kaimuki Evangelical Church). I thought, 'My grandfather has a big influence in my life, (we'd like to have) him do it for us.' "

MAKING IT POSSIBLE

Helping to make this trend possible is the Universal Life Church in Modesto, Calif. Launched in the 1950s by a Baptist preacher disillusioned with organized religion, the church ran magazine ads promising to ordain people as ministers. It has ordained nearly 20 million people, church officials said.

Those who are interested need do no more than provide their name — a task made especially easy by the Internet.

"We believe in the freedom of religion for all people, and embrace all religious teachings," said the Rev. Andre Hensley, president of Universal Life Church. "If someone feels they are called, we ordain them without question."

The first rush of applications came in the 1960s and '70s, when people — incorrectly — thought that becoming a minister of the church would shield them from the military draft. Recent years have seen another rush, Hensley said: People who want to officiate at the weddings of friends or family members.

There has been legal wrangling in Pennsylvania and New York over whether ministers without congregations or churches can perform weddings But here in Hawai'i, Ph.D. Alvin Onaka of the state Department of Health said officiants ordained by the Universal Life Church are acceptable, as are ministers licensed in other states.

Onaka's been asked before about marriage officiants, and discovered that many couples who come to Hawai'i to marry bring their ministers with them.

"The law doesn't say you have to be a resident of Hawai'i," he said.

Onaka found an interesting statistic: Of the 691 licenses issued in 2007 to marriage officiants for "one-time use," 204 were from Universal Life Church or Universal Ministries (another 13 were from the Church of Spiritual Humanism). That's almost 30 percent.

Matthew Gray of Honolulu has performed hundreds of ceremonies, though the first one was a lark.

"My then-girlfriend, Angelina, became a minister and, like all good boyfriends, I wanted to do everything she did," said Gray, a former restaurant reviewer for The Honolulu Advertiser who now runs Hawaii Food Tours. "My best friend from high school was getting married here, so I became a minister."

He signed up with the Universal Life Church.

Gray sounds almost like Dr. Seuss when he describes all the places he has — or will — perform weddings: in the water, on Diamond Head, in a helicopter.

"Anything special, fun, memorable," he said.

'HARD TO REGULATE'

The Rev. Marc Alexander, vicar general of the Roman Catholic Church's Honolulu diocese, remembers a friend who joined an online church for the express purpose of hitching some friends, then printed out the certificate to taunt Alexander, who's been a priest for decades.

"He had a good time (teasing me) with it," Alexander recalled. "I would too. It's pretty funny."

That doesn't mean he applauds the trend. Alexander said he knows the state isn't in the business of approving or disallowing religions — "that's dangerous," he said — though he favors some kind of standards for officiants because otherwise, in his view, it "devalues religion."

"The knee-jerk reaction is, there appears to be no criteria for who can witness a marriage or not," Alexander said, but added, "When you look at it, it's very hard to regulate."

From the Catholic church's perspective, marriage is also a sacrament. But, Alexander said, it's not really about the officiant.

"Not to underplay the role of the minister, but the couple administers the sacrament," he said. "The priest is the official witness."

AN HONOR TO BE ASKED

Wedemeyer, who now has officiated at two weddings, said that while she understands the Catholic position, the young woman who asked her to do the honors in 2003 was a close friend of the family who wanted an officiant who knew her.

"It is an honor when someone asks you to be a part of their special day on this, the most memorable day of their lifetime," said the retired flight attendant.

Wedemeyer said the couple wanted a nondenominational service, and she obliged.

"Catholic (couples) would not come to me," she said. "I try to respect where they are and what they want by honoring their life choice of being married."

She does see her duty as touching on the sacred, Wedemeyer said, adding: "Sacredness comes with their marriage and promises to one another."