One eye peeked out from her mother's shoulder as 3-year-old Christina Uchibori of Kailua snuggled in deeper. There were strangers around, but she just had to see what they might do.

Courtney Uchibori's youngest daughter, a preschooler at Seagull School off the Pali Highway, had prepped Christina for the meeting. Doing a dry run helps alleviate her daughter's natural timidity, she's found.

Childhood shyness is a common concern among parents, who fear their youngsters may be lacking or missing out on social situations. The truth is, most reserved children do well in relationships once they get over the hurdle of unfamiliarity.

Experts say that to help your shy child build social self-confidence, start with small group settings, then broaden the base and provide plenty of preparation and practice.

It's not as if Christina won't interact in her cozy classroom; she just needs a few minutes to warm up and get comfortable, Courtney Uchibori said.

"I drop her off and she'll stand there and survey the room, fingers in her mouth," she said. "Eventually she'll warm up and do her thing."

Mary Vaillancourt, the director at Seagull School-Kailua, has plenty of experience with shy keiki.

"You have to give them the option to watch until they get comfortable," she said. "They're shy because they don't know their surroundings or are encountering new people, new situations."

Her tips for others who are working to make the wee ones comfortable: Speak softly to them, and keep the room calm.

Institutionally, there are ways to make the settings comfortable, too: She has keiki bring pictures of the family when they start the school, which are first kept in each child's individual cubby, then are turned into artwork for the room.

"If they're feeling sad, they can see the cubby," Vaillancourt said. "That helps a lot."

INSTILLING CONFIDENCE

"Parents who want to help their shy children gain confidence in social situations should start with small group interactions until they feel comfortable transitioning to larger ones," said Tara Sutton, clinical faculty/instructor at the University of Delaware Laboratory Preschool.

Another way to build social confidence is to create slow, low-risk opportunities for interactions. At-home play dates are a good place to begin.

"Bringing other kids into your home can empower your child to take more social risks and open up to his peers," said Cheryl Carey, guidance counselor at Phillip C. Showell Elementary School in Selbyville, Del. "Have one friend over. Then invite two. Work up to a slumber party. But before you do, encourage your child to spend time at his friends' houses, too."

PREPARATION IS KEY

Preparing timid children for social events is an added way to build confidence and alleviate anticipation and fear of the unknown.

"Start by talking about what you're planning to do before you go so your child is well-informed about the situation," Sutton said. "Do it in story form: 'Tomorrow Zach is going to ...' and tell the whole story, inserting your child's name. Then get his input. What might he see? What might he do? This will make him feel more in control."

Preparation is even more important before social gatherings such as birthday parties and family reunions.

"There are different ways to role-play with children," Carey said. "You can act things out or use their dolls or action figures. Talk about how they are feeling and pretend to interact with other kids.

"This is great practice and prepares them to handle future situations."

Other expert advice: The most important thing to do is listen to your child.

Ask open-ended questions and encourage dialogue. Don't assume you know how he feels. He may be upset about a situation because it's loud or there are too many people or he's scared. But you'll never know unless you listen.

Above all, celebrate your child for who she is and remind her that with time, preparation and practice, she can successfully navigate any social situation.

HELP YOUR CHILD ALONG

Ultimately, kids will make their own friends, but you can coach them through the process in several ways, such as helping them master skills that other kids admire — whether it's sports, learning to play guitar, or video games.

They don't have to be great at it, just know it well enough to establish common ground with other kids, and that's where friendships can grow. Make sure not to let the practice become a drill or drudgery.

Parents can also encourage their child to be a friend in order to get friends. That may mean something as simple as listening when someone else talks about something they're interested in or inviting someone over to play a video game or sports game.

And it's best to avoid getting involved in children's conflicts. If you overhear children having a conflict, let them work it out on their own. Only step in if it is really necessary — if, for example, an argument is getting physical.

SIBLING COMFORT

Back to Christina Uchibori, who pads through the hallway in slippers matching her mother's, right down to the pretty trim: It's obvious she's warming up a little.

Courtney Uchibori notes that it helps when Christina's older sister, Dana, now 6, forges the way. Dana went to Seagull, too. Christina will even point out the picture of the two of them in last year's Halloween costumes to Vaillancourt.

One thing that Vaillancourt finds helps children, too, is to give them plenty of strokes for each small step in the right direction.

"Reinforcement helps shy ones come out of their shell," she said.