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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, April 4, 2009

A week short on sincerity, attention

By David Shapiro

Confounding stories abound as we "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

  • The U.S. Supreme Court said a federal apology for the overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy doesn't stop the state from selling former crown lands. Political love is never having to mean it when you say you're sorry.

  • The Superferry left Hawai'i, and its boarding barge in Kahului is being towed to Honolulu Harbor. The state thinks it'll make a nice "Open For Business" monument.

  • Gov. Linda Lingle appeared before Sen. Donna Mercado Kim's committee to let lawmakers taste her budget recipe. Kim responded by quoting from the great books: "I do not like them, Sam-I-Am. I do not like green eggs and ham."

  • Ed Case, who formerly represented Hawai'i's 2nd Congressional District, is now running for the 1st District seat. He's hoping two House seats will add up to one Senate seat.

  • Councilman Duke Bainum says he's also being urged by supporters to run for Congress. Yeah, for the seat in Arkansas.

  • Public school officials and the Lingle administration heard different things from the same conversation with federal education authorities on the use of stimulus funds. And they scold the kids for not paying attention in class.

  • Honolulu Police Chief Boisse Correa's job is in jeopardy after the city had its lowest crime rate in 34 years, while UH basketball coach Bob Nash's contract was extended after he went 24-36. In Hawai'i, futlessness is its own reward.

  • The city is testing an emergency warning system that allows voice messages as well as sirens. When there's imminent danger, residents will be able to hear the voice of Mufi Hannemann advising them to "RUN!"

  • High-technology jobs in Hawai'i increased 0.8 percent between 2006 and 2007, according to TechAmerica. You'd think a group with "tech" in its name wouldn't need 15 months to compute the numbers.

  • Kaua'i police charged a naked man who allegedly tried to break into two Puhi homes with two counts of burglary and one count of indecent exposure. He must have put on a mask before he hit the second house.

    And the quote of the week ... from Jason Seaborn of the Health Department on who gets scarce vaccine if a flu pandemic hits Hawai'i: "Should you vaccinate morgue workers? What are you going to do when the bodies start piling up?" Swap your vaccine shot for several shots of bourbon.

    Reach David Shapiro at (Unknown address).