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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, April 12, 2009

Beware the tyranny of the Children's Republic

By John Rosemond

This is the third in a series loosely titled "I Don't Know About You, But I'm Ready for the 1960s to be Over and Done With," in which I lament the destructive effect of that inane/insane decade on American child rearing — since known as parenting (or exhausting yourself in the service of your children).

This week, I take on the democratic family notion, first advanced in the era's most influential parenting books: Thomas Gordon's "Parent Effectiveness Training," and his acolyte Dorothy Briggs's "Your Child's Self-Esteem."

"Democratic" meant children should have equal say in issues that affected them even remotely, including veto power over chores. If that sounds inane/insane, you're beginning to get the picture.

In 1969, my wife Willie and I, super-hip new parents, charged down the democratic road to Family Utopia.

Three years later, we had created tyranny, dancing to a discordant tune whenever our 36-inch, 36-pound tyrant screamed like a madman. Of course, the more we danced, the more he screamed.

More than six years later we belatedly began raising our children the way our parents had raised us. It worked, but our awakening did not dawn on the culture at large.

After 30-some years, the epitome of this is seen at mealtime. Mom and Dad eat roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans, but 11-year-old Che eats a hot dog and French fries and 6-year-old Fidel has a grilled cheese sandwich and the only type of potato chips he deigns to eat.

This is not democracy, but the tyranny of the Children's Republic. The parents should be told sharing the same food at family meals helps make them a family.