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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, February 7, 2009

Trying to 'stop, drop and pray'

By Jacque Martin

"Jesus kept looking around to see who had (touched him). Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her (she had been healed), came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.' "

That section from Mark, Chapter 5, of the Bible makes me wonder: Have you ever been to the point where you just wanted to reach out to touch Jesus' garment to get some peace?

Unlike the woman in this story, it is not a specific ailment for which I am seeking healing but a lifetime of uneasiness and fear. I am not sure when it started, but I have been a worrier and stresser nearly my entire adult life, maybe even before that.

When our first daughter was born, I struggled mightily about having a baby dedication for her. I profess to being a Christian, and having full faith in God. But when I gazed upon my wonderful newborn, the thought of "handing her over to God" terrified me. God can take children from their parents! A couple in our church had just lost a child to SIDS. My personal battle to will my faith to say, "It's OK, God, I trust you" was like "War of the Worlds."

It probably was — the human world and the spiritual world.

When my mother-in-law and father-in-law moved in with us due to health issues, we realized our current house wasn't going to work. We prayed and felt God leading us to sell that home and buy a different home.

I distinctly remember the day we moved into the bigger house saying, "Enjoy it today because in a month I am sure we will not be able to make the payments and we will need to move out."

We had specifically prayed about it and in faith, purchased the house — then I struggled with fear over the finances.

My mind raced with "what ifs." What if I lose my job? What if my husband loses his job? What if the economy tanks?

I am not sure what the worst part of my problem is. Is it all the joy of life I have missed because of my fear? Is it the spiritual growth I sabotaged because of my faithlessness? Is it the joy and faith others have missed because of my worry? How much has my stress affected my health?

It has been decades, and I still wrestle with my out-of-control "what if" thought process. I am trying to win a major victory over this sin.

It's hard work. I have improvised firefighters' advice to "stop, drop and roll." I try to "stop, drop and pray."

I tell myself to stop worrying, stressing and fretting. I mentally drop to my knees and I pray.

Like the woman in Mark, I want to reach out and let peace into my life. I want to quit needless suffering.