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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Sunday, July 12, 2009

Separated foster siblings get to reconnect


By Michael Tsai
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Jacob Thoene, left, wrestles with brother James Thoene at Queen's Beach in Waikiki. Foster children and camp volunteers are spending the weekend together so separated siblings can reconnect.

REBECCA BREYER | The Honolulu Advertiser

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It wasn't the stand-up paddleboarding or the surfing or the outrigger canoe paddling. It wasn't even the chance to shape their own surfboard — though all agreed that was pretty cool.

For the 30 or so foster children who gathered at Queen's Beach yesterday as part of Project Visitation's annual Camp Connect, it was the opportunity to spend time with siblings separated in the foster-care system that carried the day.

"We sometimes take our siblings for granted, but it's difficult for these young kids to be separated," said Project Visitation head Connie Sizemore. "This is an opportunity for them to share quality time and build memories together."

Established by the state Family Court First Circuit and the Department of Human Services, Project Visitation provides monthly visitation and special events for siblings placed in separate foster homes.

This year's three-day camp, sponsored by Outrigger Enterprises Group, focused on ocean-based activities, with special help from Hawai'i longboard champion Duane DeSoto's Na Kama Kai program.

"Just the opportunity to come together is awesome," said James Thoene, 18. "Everybody here has had to face the same issues or situations. (My brother Jacob and I) went through it, too, so it's awesome to be able to help the younger kids — not to teach, but just be there to relate."

The twin brothers were placed in foster care, along with their three sisters, six years ago. While James and Jacob were eventually placed in the same family, they spent the first two years apart.

James Thoene, who recently turned 18, now lives on his own in Honolulu. Jacob, because he is a rising senior at Kailua High School, is still "in the system."

The twins said they have limited contact with their birth parents.

"They have their lives and I have mine," James said. "You can't dwell on memories. You just have to do what you have to do. It wasn't easy at first, but I'm in a good situation, and I'm still trying to move forward to make my life better."

For Jacob, that means keeping up his grades, paddling for his school and looking ahead to college, a career in the military and, possibly, a later career in social work — his way of giving back.

James Thoene is preparing for his first semester at Honolulu Community College and an eventual transfer to Oklahoma State University. His dream is to start his own Hawaiian immersion program.

At yesterday's picnic, the Thoene provided tough-love encouragement to those still stinging from being separated from their families.

"Some people use what they're going through as an excuse for giving up," James Thoene said. "But it's not a good enough excuse. Everybody has their ups and downs, but you need to have the will power deep inside of you to just keep pushing."

James added: "I know people who are homeless or in worse situations. I always remind myself that no matter how bad things seem, there are always people who are worse off."

DeSoto, who brought a full accompaniment of surfers, paddleboarders and other experienced ocean experts to help with the camp, said working with the foster children this weekend has been his most "heartfelt" moment since he started Na Kama Kai earlier this year.

He said the organization's partnership with Project Visitation is consistent with his goal of teaching children to respect and appreciate the ocean as both a natural resource and a part of the Island lifestyle.

"They learn that in return for practicing malama 'aina and malama kai, they will always have a place to call home," he said.

Annie Loving Ferreira, a longtime Project Visitation volunteer, smiled as she watched the campers try their hands (and feet) at stand-up paddleboarding and surfing.

Each month, Ferreira and partner Wanda Ulmer pick up a set of foster siblings for a day of activities and togetherness. Sometimes they're shy, sometimes clingy, she said.

"They tend to live in the moment because they don't know where they're going to be or for how long," she said.

The Thoene brothers, whose sisters weren't able to attend the camp, understand the feeling. But they also know what it's like to hope.

"We had to grow up at a young age, and it sucks that we didn't have our youth," Jacob Thoene said. "But that's life, and it's all right. We're all going to meet one day, and we'll all be on the same page. We just have to keep working for that day and hope for the best."