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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Friday, July 17, 2009

Web dating service caters to unfaithful


By Patricia Montemurri
McClatchy-Tribune News Service

"Drew" is a 37-year-old businessman who lives in the Troy, Mich., area.

His wife is consumed with work. And they don't have sex.

"The truth is I love my wife, but sometimes I feel like I need something on the side," says Drew, who spoke to the Detroit Free Press on the condition of anonymity.

So Drew hooks up through the adultery dating service www.AshleyMadison.com. He said he has met, and had sex with, about 10 women, and he credits the illicit trysts with helping him stay married.

"It has enabled me to meet women in my similar situation and has helped fill the void of the lack of intimacy in my life," says Drew, whose wife has no clue. "Strange as it may sound, it's helped my marriage. The pressure is off. ... It's probably a lot cheaper than divorce."

Drew's story dovetails with the sales pitch masterminded by AshleyMadison's founder, Noel Biderman, a Toronto-based sports lawyer who has cleverly and profitably engineered a moneymaker from pairing human foibles with the Internet's social networking reach.

AshleyMadison — named after two of the most popular baby names for girls — was born in 2001. And if the site's growing popularity offers a clue, the economy's swoon — especially in hard-hit states like Michigan — means boom times for infidelity.

In Michigan alone, the site has grown from 38,000 members as of June 1, 2008, to 110,000 a year later. Biderman's theory is that economic instability forces shaky couples to stay together — they can't afford to get divorced. Infidelity becomes a more likely option.

Research does indicate that as work demands and stress increase, so do marital conflicts. Financial declines have always triggered an increase in a range of unhealthy behaviors.

Some 43 percent of U.S. couples said they are arguing more about money because of the recession, according to the recent "Can't Buy Me Love" poll by Internet payment company PayPal.

Biderman is unapologetic and doesn't shy from controversy or confronting the opposition. He has faced down critics on "The View," "Larry King Live" and "The Tyra Banks Show."

Politicians nationwide also are providing plenty of fodder for discussions about infidelity, and Biderman isn't letting the opportunity for free publicity pass. Earlier this month, AshleyMadison was in the news when a Las Vegas newspaper rejected its full-page ad capitalizing on Nevada Sen. John Ensign's admission of an extramarital affair.

"I know people want to vilify me," Biderman said. "I argue back that I didn't invent infidelity."

He's got a catchy retort for nearly every argument people throw at him.

Adultery is the "only thing in the world people think is immoral but a consensus still do it," he says.