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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, July 18, 2009

Let Lingle, legislators duke it out in space

By David Shapiro

You'd have thought we'd show some dignity while Japan's emperor and empress were here, but no, we just rushed them out of town before they could join our "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

  • Gov. Linda Lingle and the Legislature were at it again, with Lingle vetoing 57 bills, lawmakers overriding 38 and the governor holding back funding. Hollywood wants to make it a movie sequel: "Rocky XXVII: My Mother Hits Harder Than You."

  • The state might pay $500,000 for a federal license to launch tourists into space. It'd be worth it if we could put the guv and legislators on the first flight.

  • Critics said tax credit cuts by lawmakers are a "nail in the coffin" for Hawai'i's high-tech industry. They'll have to dig up that coffin before they can nail it.

  • Aerosmith may do a free concert on Maui to settle a lawsuit over an earlier canceled show. But it's not official until Mufi Hannemann, Neil Abercrombie and James "Duke" Aiona put out press releases taking credit for it.

  • UH researchers say shark feeding tours pose no danger to humans. No more than state labor negotiations, anyway.

  • In Washington, shark-attack victims including one from Hawai'i lobbied Congress for laws to protect the predators. Kind of like the few local taxpayers who still defend the Legislature's pay raise.

  • The state Supreme Court ordered Hawai'i attorneys to take legal classes every year to keep their licenses. You know what they call lawyers who never learn anything new: Your Honor.

  • One study said Honolulu is the eighth meanest city to the homeless, while another ranked us as one of the nation's most playful cities. It seems we do a lousy job of letting the homeless in on the fun.

  • A greenskeeper who killed a golfer's dog for supper got three months in prison. If the dog was on a surfboard and the defendant was a shark, he could have gotten a federal pardon.

  • TV's "Bachelorette" visited Hawai'i with the final three men soliciting her favor. We should have given them a surprise ending by testing the constitutionality of our "john" laws.

    And the quote of the week ... from President Obama on his limp first pitch at the All-Star Game: "I did not play organized baseball when I was a kid ... some of these natural moves aren't so natural to me." Lucky Maui star Shane Victorino upheld the local honor.

    David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net.