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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, June 27, 2009

From missiles to a worthy mission

By David Shapiro

Insanity meets inanity as we "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

  • North Korea's missile test may not be aimed toward Hawai'i after all, but it's not necessarily good news. With their lousy aim, they'll more likely hit us if they're trying not to.

  • Hawai'i's average personal income grew in the first quarter faster than any other state. Of course, no other state's legislators goosed the average by taking 36 percent pay raises in January.

  • Local gasoline prices are again flirting with $3 per gallon. With its usual impeccable timing, the Legislature is making sure we get there by reinstating the excise tax on gas at the end of the month.

  • Public workers are rallying against pay cuts by handing out cards asking for support at the businesses where they shop. I'm sure it'll tug the heartstrings of cashiers working reduced hours at minimum wage.

  • Hawai'i had eight more "mass layoffs" in May, with 900 jobs lost. I wonder how bad it has to get before voters consider a mass layoff in November 2010.

  • Tihati Productions thought it was a prank when its dancers were invited to perform at President Obama's Washington luau. Republicans still think it's a prank that there's a Hawai'i guy in the White House.

  • Kona Councilman Kelly Greenwell wants Obama to release Guantanamo terrorism suspects on the Big Island to begin a healing process, but admits he "may sound insane." May? Does he think filling the peace pipe with the island's agricultural specialty will make them forget they hate us?

  • Honolulu is the second most expensive U.S. city after Manhattan, one survey said, and in another we beat out the Big Apple as the nation's most romantic city. The logical conclusion is our hookers cost less.

  • In sports news, a Makaha woman accused of killing a peacock with a baseball bat asked for a jury trial. Jurors will cover the bases and foul lines while the judge calls balls and strikes.

  • A former Leilehua football star struck a plea deal on a family abuse charge that allows him to play college ball in California. Instead of a probation officer, he'll report to the head linesman.

    And the quote of the week ... from the late political scientist Ira Rohter via Della Au Bellati: "My passion is allowing more average people to participate in a more meaningful way in making the decisions that affect their lives." May his eternity be green.