I'm embarking on an exploration of alternative careers. Like everybody else you know.

It's a transformational recession! So the jobs around today will be something altogether different on the other side. So they say.

And newspapers are particularly vulnerable: The Seattle P-I stopped the presses last week, The Rocky Mountain News just before that — there's a lot of doom and gloom. So if it all ends tomorrow I have to figure out what I'm going to do with myself.

But isn't there a job I can just do? I've had 17 years of education and worked for 20 years. I'm not lazy, but I'm a little tired! And I can't soak in anymore — I'm not a ShamWow! (Plus, science was never my thing, so I don't expect to jump on the New Energy Economy everybody keeps talking about.

And then it hit me, as I was reading our coverage of The Royal Hawaiian's grand re-opening soiree a couple weeks ago.

Red Carpet Starlette.

There was Hayden Panettierre flashing a shaka in a black-and-gold mini, and further along, Heather Graham cocking her hip one way and leaning the other, setting off the layers of her white dress.

I can do that!

Get flown to events, have the organizers pay for everything (and my appearance fee, natch). Our nonsensical obsession with celebrities is sure to survive the recession — we need fluff to distract us from being bummed.

This may not be the best use of my education and training, but as our president has decreed, it's pull-ourselves-up-by-the-bootstraps time.

That said, there are going to be a few barriers to entry for me in this line of work.

1) I'm not a fashionista. I'm still wearing stuff from college, and I prefer the fine duds from Nordstrom Rack over pricier mall shops. But with the right stylist, I can make those work on any carpet, right? And I'm happy to wear any couture on loan for the oodles of publicity the designer would reap.

2) I'm not a supermodel. I may be super — just ask my mom — but model, no. However, "star quality" goes beyond a perfect face, lustrous skin and Farrah hair. There's magnetism, charm and — for starlettes in particular — coquettishness. I don't really have any of these on a "red carpet" level, but I'll work on it. I'll pose in my mirror and toss some 'tude till I get it right.

3) I'm not famous. None of this is going to happen unless there's demand for me — so, fame. Reality TV has made this easier to achieve, but there are few shows I'd be any good for. I can't cook, can't sew and lack the back-stabbing quality portrayed as "political savvy." I could do "The Amazing Race," but then the trick would be to do something notorious to propel myself to fame beyond the show. Maybe accidentally start a border dispute between Luxembourg and Belgium? While being coquettish?

Assuming I can pull this off, I'd only have to prolong my 15 minutes of fame with the occasional high-profile gaffe or become BFF to some tragic target of the paparazzi.

Easy.

A friend, however, said the banality of it all would bore me to tears.

Well, I can always bring along a newspaper to read.

Reach Christine Strobel at cstrobel@honoluluadvertiser.com.