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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Monday, May 11, 2009

Virtual networking provides encouragement, support


By Anita Bruzzese

Early last fall, Jorge Colon began talking on the phone to three complete strangers several times a week. During the conversations that can sometimes last an hour or more, he shared many intimate details of his life. The others did the same.

Failures. Successes. Heartbreaks. Everything was put on the table among the four people living in different areas of the world.

After time passed, the strangers who had become intimate friends began to share more about their professional lives. They were completely candid with one another. They provided encouragement when it was needed. They provided a kick in the butt when required. But always there remained a level of trust that had been developed through those early, heart-to-heart conversations.

"We're basically four wheels on a car," says Colon, a Florida-based lawyer. "Everyone has different roles they play. We end up sharing more with one another than we do with our own family."

Colon acknowledges that such a level of intimacy and trust in the business world is often difficult to attain. Networking often comes down to only seeing someone face to face once a year, or making hundreds of connections online without ever getting to really know someone.

It's an issue that Keith Ferrazzi explores in his new book, "Who's Got Your Back" (Broadway, $25), about how to develop deeper, more trusting relationships in the working world. Ferrazzi, a well-known networking expert, admits that even with his expertise, he didn't really have the kind of support he needed to achieve the success he desired. When a good friend finally pointed out to him that he was not really focused on where he needed to go, Ferrazzi says he realized he had "few relationships with people I could really open up to, share my fears and failures and goals and dreams with, and ask for help."

Unknown to Ferrazzi as he was working on the book was that people like Colon were already using his online Greenlight Community to form their own close-knit gatherings. When Ferrazzi learned of Colon and his other group members, he sent along the book for their input.

So far, Colon has met only one other member face to face, but the group used Skype a lot in the beginning so that they were able to see one another while communicating. The member he has met personally is Maxine Zbebiak, manager of sales, training and fulfillment for Hazard Alert Training Inc. in Canada.

"It was uncanny when he (Ferrazzi) asked us to review the book because it was what we were experiencing," Zbebiak says. "Our group has brought me a stronger self-confidence. We have incredible support for one another."

In his book, Ferrazzi outlines how to not only find "the three people who will change your life," but then how to set up some ground rules so that the relationships are trusting, candid and generous.

"Even though our relationship has been virtual, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. We have a real candid intimacy, and we really worked to develop that," Zbebiak says. "I didn't have this with other business associates. This is a very different way to build relationships. We stay in contact three or four times a week, and exchange a lot of e-mails. The connection is so strong; we feel we've known each other for years."

Ferrazzi says that as many people struggle with tough financial times, being laid off from jobs or watching careers disintegrate, such close, trusting relationships are needed more than ever.

Much in the tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers where there is no clear leader and members support one another through highs and lows, Ferrazzi says he wants people to find that "safe place" where they can help one another achieve the success they desire.

For Colon, it has become a mission. He and others are helping to spearhead efforts in various cities around the world where people can begin to form groups of trusted confidants in a business environment where "vulnerability," "generosity" and "transparency" are more fact than fiction. Still, that's not to say that there's not room for a little hard-earned business sense: Colon's group all signed confidentiality agreements.

"We're sharing some pretty intimate stuff," Colon says. "There's a lot of candor."