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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Children can thrive in tough times, too


BY Mike Gordon
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Parents like the ones pictured above and below are practicing what the UH Center on the Family preaches: "do things together" and "stay involved in homework and after-school activities." Parental involvement is key, especially when times are hard.

University of Hawai'i Center on the Family

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TIPS FOR FAMILIES

Download tips for families under stress online at http://uhfamily.hawaii.edu/news.asp, or request brochures from the University of Hawai'i's Center on the Family, 956-4132.

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RESILIENT KIDS

10 things parents can do to build resilience

  • Show love in physical and verbal ways.

  • Explain the situation in terms a child can grasp.

  • Stress it is not the child's fault.

  • Reassure them that the family will get through the crisis.

  • Encourage good problem-solving skills.

  • Engage every family member in discussions about the hard choices that need to be made.

  • Build responsibility by assigning chores and be sure to show appreciation for everyone's efforts.

  • Maintain rules and routines.

  • Always know where your children are and maintain communication when you are apart.

  • Stay involved in homework and after-school activities.

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    Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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    The stress that comes with tough economic times not only affects family providers, but their children as well. The youngest likely feel it the most.

    Reduced hours, furloughs, pay cuts and, of course, job loss, can deliver a dramatic blow to a child's outlook on life, according to the University of Hawai'i's Center on the Family. But find a way to develop resiliency and the child will survive and possibly even thrive.

    With that in mind this summer, the center created a resource — a brochure packed with advice to help parents raise resilient children, printing 5,000 copies for anyone in need. The center also created another brochure to help adults manage job loss and financial stress, then gave all 20,000 copies to the state Department of Labor to distribute.

    "I think very often in this climate, there's lots of information about job loss and certainly employers, if they have a human resources office, they provide advice and counsel to the person who is laid of," said Sylvia Yuen, director of the center. "But then it stops. Our point is that if anyone is laid off, there are spillover affects onto the family."

    The idea was to create a guide for people with no idea how to cope, including many who had never experienced job troubles before the economy nose-dived last year.

    Hawai'i's economic troubles have created the highest jobless rate in 30 years and doubled the amount of time it takes for people to find a new job — about 22 weeks to find employment, according state and federal statistics.

    Financial hardship can disrupt family routines, which, as every parent knows, is the glue in child rearing. Parents who are distracted by their situation are often unavailable to their children and the result can lead to kids who have difficulties forming relationships. The stress involved can lead to problems at school, low self-esteem and poor emotional health.

    "And sometimes parents think we have to protect the kids: 'This is happening to me and we are not going to tell the kids and we are going to soldier on,' " Yuen said. "But kids know. If there is tension in the family, kids know."

    Resiliency comes when parents communicate with their children and involve them in activities that solve problems. The family center's simple recommendation: Do things together.

    In turn, children will learn they have people they can turn to, from a parent to a mentor, be reminded that they are loved and are loveable, and discover that they can contribute to the family, sharing in responsibilities.

    Children living amid difficult family finances are not necessarily scarred for life, Yuen said. In fact, they might even come out stronger, she said.

    "Resilient children seem to be more optimistic," she said. "They know how to seek and accept help."