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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Saturday, September 12, 2009

Help may be just a phone call away

By David Shapiro

More economic woes and politicians on the move top our "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

  • The Council on Revenues was off the mark again as state tax collections dropped 5 percent. We could get better forecasts from the psychic hot line.

  • Gov. Linda Lingle said we don't have money to keep running state government the same way. If things get desperate enough, we might even have to try competence.

  • Labor negotiations between the state and HGEA went into arbitration, but news media were excluded because they didn't think we'd understand the discussion. I knew I should have brushed up on my baby talk.

  • Hawai'i was the inspiration for President Obama's health care plan, says Rep. Neil Abercrombie. They're thinking of naming it Aino-Care.

  • Big Island taxpayers have to pay $99,500 for a car crash caused by former Ma-yor Harry Kim. That's nothing compared to how much Mayor Mufi Hannemann's train wreck could cost us.

  • City Managing Director Kirk Caldwell said he'll run for mayor whether the job opens next year or in 2012. He needs an early start to improve his odds of making the filing deadline this time.

  • Councilman Donovan Dela Cruz also jumped into the mayor's race against Caldwell and Prosecutor Peter Carlisle. His campaign will focus on one question: Donovan Who?

  • Councilman Gary Okino, who invoked God's word against gay unions, will run for the Legislature next year to bring "a righteous point of view." If anybody disagrees, he'll smite them with his stone tablets.

  • Scientists found surprising inhabitants while exploring coral reefs in the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands. Poor Jeremy Harris will have to find a new place to hide.

  • Hawai'i Volcanoes National Park will be featured on a quarter in the U.S. Mint's "America The Beautiful" series. If they etch the vog thick enough, we might be able to pass it off as a dollar.

  • The economy is forcing some fast food restaurants to cut prices. It's about time we got a break on the cost of gas.

    And the quote of the week ... from Hospitality Advisors CEO Joseph Toy on the tourism slump: "It's the worst summer we've seen. Normally, we get a summer swell. This time we're just seeing ankle snappers." You're in trouble when knee knockers start looking good.