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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Going solo


By Zenaida Serrano
Advertiser Staff Writer

Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

Mailani Makainai picks up her daughter, Ha'eha'e, 4, from preschool at St. Ann's in Kane'ohe.

Photos by NORMAN SHAPIRO | The Honolulu Advertiser

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ABOUT MAILANI

Mailani Makainai keeps a busy performance schedule supporting her first solo album, "Mailani." Upcoming performances:

  • 7-9 p.m. Friday, and every first and last Friday of the month, Kona Brewing Co.

  • Noon-12:45 p.m. Saturday, 7-Eleven Waimalu grand opening

  • 6-7 p.m. Saturday, Maui County Fair

  • 8-10 p.m. Mondays, Aku Bone Lounge

  • 4-6 p.m. Oct. 17, Duke's Canoe Club

    Find out more at http://www.mailanimakainai.com">www.mailanimakainai.com.

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    Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser

    The two share quality time at home in Kahalu'u. Makainai's key to survival as a busy single parent is keeping a positive attitude, a fierce motivation to provide for Ha'e, and a good support system.

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    Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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    Hawaii news photo - The Honolulu Advertiser
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    It was another go, go, go kind of day for single mom Mailani Makainai, who, after running errands in the morning and picking up her daughter from preschool in the afternoon, continued the nonstop pace when she reached home.

    As soon as Makainai and 4-year-old Ha'eha'e stepped through their front door, Makainai changed into shorts and a Bob Marley shirt, put up her daughter's hair, gave her a cold glass of milk, and settled on her couch to fold a basket of laundry.

    Those first 15 minutes home offered a telling window into Makainai's hectic life. And this was her day off.

    She's best known as a member of the Na Hoku Hanohano Award-winning duo, Keahiwai, and more recently the trio Mighty J. This summer, Makainai released her first solo album, "Mailani." At her busiest, she squeezes in a job as a licensed massage therapist during the day and performing gigs late at night.

    Although she's an award-winning artist, her life is also full of experiences that other single parents can likely relate to — coping with broken relationships, juggling school or work responsibilities and raising a family.

    Key to her survival: a positive attitude, a fierce motivation to provide for her daughter and an amazing support system. (See box for tips.)

    "Ha'e is priority No. 1," said the Kahalu'u resident, 29, between folding laundry and rubbing noses with her little one. "Making sure I put enough money aside for her and her education is important to me. ...

    "You've got to just hang in there," she said. "As bad as it can feel, it's not going to stay bad forever. It is going to change."

    ALL FOR HA'E

    Makainai split with her ex-boyfriend, her daughter's father, about two years ago, when Ha'eha'e was just a toddler. But getting out of the relationship didn't make life easier. Makainai found a new set of challenges as a single mother.

    The obstacles include holding down two jobs. Makainai often works late at night, and regrets missing out on putting Ha'eha'e to bed.

    "There's no other way to do it for now," she said. "As long as I can put aside for her and invest ... in our family, then that's what helps me keep going."

    Support she gets from her parents, four siblings, new boyfriend and countless friends helps ease the way.

    "They're all very, very helpful," she said, smiling.

    Trey Terada, Makainai's manager, co-performer and close friend, said Makainai does everything with Ha'eha'e's interest at heart.

    "She's turned down some pretty good gigs" because she puts her daughter first, he said.

    ASPIRATIONS

    Makainai constantly thinks about the future — as many single parents do — to figure out how to better her and her daughter's lives.

    Being optimistic in both her professional and personal life helps Makainai persevere.

    "There really is a purpose for everything," Makainai said. "We might not know what that is at the moment, but we have to have faith."

    She is a lomilomi practitioner at the Moana Surfrider's Moana Lani Spa, and she has partnered with her sister to open the Oasen Spa in Kalihi, where she also sees clients. With an interest in the healing arts, she hopes to one day open her own lomilomi school.

    As a singer and songwriter, she also dreams of starting a music school, where she would focus on voice, guitar and performance lessons.

    Having an international or national star discover her original songs and re-record them "would be cool" too, Makainai said and laughed.

    For now, Makainai continues to promote her debut solo album and is already gearing up to record her second album.

    "I'm thinking if I have this momentum, I might as well keep with it," she said.

    • • •

    SINGLE PARENTS' SURVIVAL GUIDE

    Rosemary Adam-Terem, a clinical psychologist in Honolulu and president of the Hawai'i Psychological Association, offers tips to help single parents increase energy, achieve better balance, and be happier and more engaged:

    • Don't lose your sense of humor. Being able to laugh little things off and not take things too personally is a key to coping in the long haul of parenting.

    • Deal with anger constructively. If you bottle things up, it can emerge with a destructive force when you least expect it. Don't blow people off — especially not your kids; blow off steam as you go along and be constructive with the energy anger can provide.

    • Cultivate healthy self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence.

    • Build and maintain a caring support network. You cannot and should not try to do everything yourself. Find family, friends, community or church groups and peers — people in the same situation as you are — and work on understanding yourself and others.

    • Engage in adult conversation. It is refreshing to be able to think just for yourself and not for the kids all the time.

    • Choose relationships carefully. This is a tough one for single parents. Loneliness is a major factor, and the desire for a life partner or a good friend is very natural. Before going far in a new relationship think about what issues you bring to the table and what your goals are. As relationships progress, assess your values — are they aligned? And then look at the pro-con ratio. A relationship should bring you more positives, not cause you distress.

    For more information or 24-hour free confidential referrals to a psychologist in your area, visit www.hawaiipsychology.org.