Something for all tastes
By BILL GOODYKOONTZ
Gannett Chief Film Critic
The summer movie season has something for everyone, including a 3-D flick featuring killer fish. Many of the films haven't yet been rated, but they will be before they hit theaters. All dates are subject to change, so check local listings.
"Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" (PG-13) — Jake Gyllenhaal, all buffed up, plays the title character in a film based on the video game and which seems to have been in production since the ancient times it depicts.
"Get Him to the Greek"(R) — Jonah Hill escorts oversexed rock star (is there any other kind?) Russell Brand on tour. Hilarity ensues. We hope.
"Killers" (not rated) — Former hitman Ashton Kutcher is now a target. He's also married to Katherine Heigl. Which is worse? Not yet rated.
"Marmaduke" (PG) — Live-action version of the cartoon about the Great Dane. Voices include Owen Wilson as the beast himself, as well as Emma Stone and Steve Coogan.
"Splice" (R) — Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley are scientists who splice human and animal DNA and create a new type of creature. Guessing it doesn't go well. R.
"The A-Team" (not rated) — Yes, that A-Team. Based on the TV show, though not quite as goofy. Liam Neeson takes on the Hannibal role, which is sort of an indication of things.
"The Karate Kid" (PG) — Wasn't aware the world was clamoring for a remake, but here we are, with Jaden Smith (Will's son). Jackie Chan actually teaches him kung fu, but "The Kung Fu Kid" doesn't have the same ring to it.
"Jonah Hex" (not rated) — Josh Brolin and Megan Fox star in a movie based on the graphic novel. What do you bet cleavage plays a big role?
"Toy Story 3" (not rated) — Tom Hanks and Tim Allen return as Woody and Buzz; Andy goes off to college, leaving his toys behind. Looking forward to Michael Keaton as Ken.
"Grown Ups" (not rated) — Adam Sandler, Chris Rock and pals Kevin James, David Spade and, yes, Rob Schneider, play high school classmates who meet for a Fourth of July weekend. Could be funny. Could be awful. Though when is that not the case?
"Knight and Day" (not rated) — Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz romp around the world, shooting, blowing stuff up, all that. Lots of action, obviously, but it's a comedy.
"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" (not rated) — Does it really matter what it's about? A gazillion teenage girls will see it 10 times each. But, just so you know, this time Kristen Stewart has to choose between Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Which, yes, she had to last time. But this time she really, really has to. Honest. Or something.
"The Last Airbender" (not rated) — M. Night Shyamalan returns with a movie based on the cartoon, which, based on his recent track record, may not be a bad thing. Cartoon has "Avatar" in title. Wonder why they had to drop that?
"Cyrus" (R) — John C. Reilly really likes Marisa Tomei, but he hasn't met her son yet. The son is played by Jonah Hill. Maybe that explains it.
"Despicable Me" (not rated) — Animated film in which three girls try to get Steve Carell (or the voice thereof) not to steal the moon. Cast includes Kristen Wiig, Jason Segel, Miranda Cosgrove and, of all people, Julie Andrews.
"Predators" (not rated) — The series that will not die. Lots of characters will, though, as Predators once again hunt them down. Adrien Brody stars. He once won an Oscar. Go figure. Not yet rated.
"Inception" (not rated) — Christopher Nolan directs Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Elle Page, Michael Caine and others in a sci-fi thriller. We are so in.
"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (not rated) — Nicholas Cage stars in a movie based, somewhat, on the famous bit of "Fantasia." Cage is a wizard, protecting New York from Alfred Molina. But who protects us from unnecessary pseudo-remakes? Not yet rated.
"Dinner for Schmucks" (not rated) — Paul Rudd needs to find the biggest idiot he can for dinner, as part of a game at work (the IRS, naturally). Biggest moron wins. He picks Steve Carell. Good choice. Based on a French film, if you can believe it.
"Ramona and Beezus" (not rated) — If you have daughters, you're probably at least passingly familiar with Beverly Cleary's "Ramona" books. Here they come to the screen, with Joey King as Ramona and Selena Gomez as her sister Beezus.
"Salt" (not rated) — Angelina Jolie, the title character, is a CIA agent accused of being a Russian spy. I blame Jennifer Aniston. Oh wait, that's just in the tabloids. She's not in this, so here it must be someone else.
"The Adjustment Bureau" (not rated) — Matt Damon plays a congressman who falls for ballerina Emily Blunt, but something is keeping them apart. Circumstance? Hygiene? Probably something more nefarious.
"Beastly" (PG-13) — Different take on "Beauty and the Beast," with the handsome Alex Pettyfer getting ugly for the role (or at least part of it). Vanessa Hudgens and Neil Patrick Harris also star.
"Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore" (not rated) — Alec Baldwin, Michael Clarke Duncan, Chris O'Donnell and Bette Midler are among those providing voices for the ongoing battle between the beasts of the title.
"The Other Guys" (not rated) — Cops Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell get to work like their idols, Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson. This does not go well, evidently. Frequent Ferrell collaborator Adam McKay directs.
"The Middle Men" (R) — Luke Wilson plays Jack Harris, an Internet business trailblazer, who bails out what turns out to be a porn site. Giovanni Ribisi also stars.
"Step Up 3D" (not rated) — Yet another sequel of the good-looking-people-dancing series. Was two dimensions not enough? And what if this had been the fourth in the franchise? Is there even a fourth dimension to work into the title? Not yet rated.
"Eat Pray Love" (not rated) — Julia Roberts stars in the film adaptation of the book by Elizabeth Gilbert, playing ... Elizabeth Gilbert. Ryan Murphy directs; anyone who creates "Glee" ought to at least be given a chance. Not yet rated.
"The Expendables" (not rated) — Sylvester Stallone leads a group of mercenaries, including Jason Statham and Jet Li, as they try to overthrow a South American dictator. Press materials describe Stallone's character as "void of emotion." Isn't that typecasting?
"Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (not rated) — Michael Cera plays the title role, a guy who must defeat his girlfriend's seven evil exes. Based on a graphic novel.
"Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang" (PG) — Emma Thompson plays McPhee, a magical nanny who shows up at Maggie Gyllenhaal's farm while her husband is away at war. Based on the books by Christianna Brand.
"The Tillman Story" (not rated) — Documentary about former ASU and Arizona Cardinals player Pat Tillman, who enlisted in the Army after 9/11 and was killed by "friendly fire."
"The Switch" (PG-13) — Jennifer Aniston gets pregnant by artificial insemination. Unbeknownst to her, pal Jason Bateman swapped in his own, uh, product. Now it's seven years later. Awkward, eh?
"Takers" (PG-13) — Heist movie in which robbers try to get away with $20 million, as any robbers worth their salt must. Cast includes Hayden Christensen, Idris Elba and Paul Walker.
"Going the Distance" (not rated) — Drew Barrymore and Justin Long star in a romantic comedy about a long-distance relationship. A thoughtful phone call is always nice.
"The Last Exorcism" — Patrick Fabian plays a clergyman who allows a film crew to film his last exorcism. He's been faking it, but this time, things get real.
"Piranha 3-D" (not rated) — What better way to end the summer? Elisabeth Shue stars as a sheriff trying to save her town — Lake Havasu City, no less — from the title creatures, who are released after a tremor under the lake during spring break. What's not to love? Remake of the 1978 original, only with an added dimension.