| Kisses and Misses
By Tanya Bricking Leach |
 |
|
 |
||
| No-nonsense advice from the Islands |  |
| December 31, 2004 | |
| • | Internet babes may be old guys A guy in South Africa is falling in love with a woman in the U.S. whom he met on the Internet. But he's not getting the response he wants from her and he wants to know what's going on. Tanya knows, and she tells him. |
 |
Poll: New Year's Resolution Tonight's the night for resolutions. So spill it. What best describes the category you'd most like to change in 2005? |
| December 24, 2004 | |
| • | Friendship with ex in jeopardy This week Tanya helps a woman deal with her relationship with her once best friend, turned husband, turned ex-husband/friend. The problem: Her ex's new girlfriend wants her out of their lives, including her own children. |
|
Poll: Merry "Ex"-mas A reader wants to know if its proper etiquette to give a gift to an ex's spouse. |
| December 17, 2004 | |
| • | Cheaters do deserve the boot Last week Tanya was really easy on a woman who wondered what to do about her cheating boyfriend. Actually, she was really easy on the boyfriend. But this week, tough love is back. |
|
Poll: Just Wondering A woman finds porn sites on her fiancé's computer. She confronts him, and he's defensive about the whole thing. Should she let it go, or should she be worried? Vote in our weekly poll. |
| December 10, 2004 | |
| • | Even lying cheats have a good side After five years of being in a relationship, a woman found out she has been deceived. Find out what advice Tanya has for her. |
|
Poll: Tired of Reliving the Past How much should you reveal to your lover about your past? Is there such a thing as asking too much? What happens when a couple disagrees? Choose your answer in our weekly poll. |
| December 3, 2004 | |
| • | Tried and true works, many say Don't dress like a tramp, sleep around or go looking for love in all the wrong places — that's the advice piling up from readers who have a thing or two to say about the lovelorn folks they've read about in this column. |
| November 26, 2004 | |
| • | Why must she date other men? She needs to date more than one person, and won't give a reason why. Should he stick it out or give up? |
|
Poll: Be my guest? It's the day after Thanksgiving, and if you have houseguests who seem to be overstaying their holiday welcome, you're not alone. What's your coping strategy? Weigh in our weekly poll. |
| November 19, 2004 | |
| • | Check for spark, then proceed A man wants to repair the damage in a relationship that he unintentionally created. What's a guy to do? |
|
Poll: Any hope left? Things were going swimmingly until — bam! — a woman's boyfriend tells her he still has feelings for his ex. They break up, but she wants him back. Can they work it out? |
| November 12, 2004 | |
| • | Suspicion torments her heart When jealousy tears at a relationship, what's a girl to do? |
|
Poll: Does Age Matter? In our online poll, here's a subject ripped from the headlines: A single woman who turned 57 this week gave birth to twins after conceiving through in-vitro fertilization. Is she too old to be a new mom? |
| November 5, 2004 | |
| • | He's in third gear, she's in neutral A mature man has found the woman of his dreams and has made sacrifices to be with her, but he feels like he's being very left out in a few areas and he's wondering what this means. |
|
Poll: Stand by Your Man? A boyfriend who cheated on two women comes clean about something that happened a year ago. Should his girlfriend stand by her man? You decide by casting your vote. |
| October 29, 2004 | |
| • | Message is in his flaky behavior Is a guy who uses text messaging as his main means of communication "confused" or just a flake? Read all about the latest love saga written in to our advice column. |
|
Poll: Can a Relationship Last? In our online poll, answer the question of the week: Can a relationship last if you get intimate before you really get to know each other? |
| October 22, 2004 | |
| • | Guys just want to get her in bed An attractive, athletic and educated single woman wants to know why every guy she meets wants to make a running start to the bedroom. See what Tanya has to say. |
|
Poll: Wondering Wendy Dish out your advice to a single woman looking for a partner by voting in our online poll about how she should proceed. |
| October 15, 2004 | |
| • | Put an end to abusive relationship A reader in a same-sex relationship asks for advice about an abusive relationship. Tanya's advice is to get help and get out of a bad situation. |
|
Poll: Ask him out? A gay teen wants to know whether to ask out a classmate he has a crush on. Have your say with your vote. |
| October 8, 2004 | |
| • | Dating key: No guts, no girls An inexperienced 19-year-old man wants to know how to get a girlfriend. |
|
Poll: Meet the kids? A divorcee with three children under the age of 10 wants to know when is an appropriate time to introduce her boyfriend to her kids. Weigh in on the topic with your vote. |
| October 1, 2004 | |
|
•
|
He is her loving debit card A recent college graduate suspects his girlfriend is just using him for financial support. |
|
Poll: Should I stay or should I go? A man's girlfriend says she'll marry him after her teenage son is out of the house. Trouble is, the son is taking his time moving on. Should the boyfriend wait it out? |
| September 24, 2004 | |
|
•
|
He moved on, and so should you A woman's exboyfriend has moved on. She hasn't.She wonders what's so magical about a new woman who has come in to her man's life. Tanya tells her the ex isn't her man anymore, and she needs to put her focus in a new direction. |
|
Poll: What to do about a cheap date? A woman is sick of paying her date's way. Should she ask to be reimbursed, take the loss, blow him off or tell him off? Choose your answer with your vote. |
| September 17, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Forgive yourself, not girlfriend A reader is wondering what to do about his girlfriend, who suddenly vanished one day. Tanya tells him it sounds like a classic case of someone taking the Wimp's Way Out of a relationship. |
|
Poll: Am I Wasting My Time? A woman had a fling with her ex. Now he wants to be friends with benefits, and she's wondering whether to wait for more or break it off. What should she do? Vote in our poll. |
| September 10, 2004 | |
|
•
|
What's your advice for singles? Many readers wrote in to voice their reactions to Tanya's column last week, and here she shares a couple of the responses. If you have other advice or thoughts you want to share, write Tanya and let her know. |
|
Poll: Should I Be Jealous? A man has a problem with the way his girlfriend talks to her guy friends. Is he just jealous or does he have reason to get mad? Weigh in with your vote. |
| September 3, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Why not try dating differently? A woman whose last close single friend just got married is singing the spinster blues. Tanya tells her there's nothing wrong with being single, but if it's coupledom she's after, she's on the right track. |
|
Poll: Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks A woman in her late 20s complains that she "Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks" with her 35-year-old boyfriend. Why would he feel guilty about "having fun with no strings attached?" Have your say with your vote. |
| August 27, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Don't fret: First kiss will happen A college student who's never been kissed seeks advice. Tanya tells her not to fret. |
|
Poll: Charity Starts at Home A man works for a charitable organization and had an affair with his supervisor. His ex wants to know if the whole situation should keep her from donating to the charity. Have your say by voting in our online poll. |
| August 20, 2004 | |
|
•
|
How long will she fool herself? A reader wants to know if she should keep seeing a married 22-year-old with four children. |
|
Poll: Call or Not? If a man takes a woman out and they have a good time, should she call and say thanks? |
| August 13, 2004 | |
| • | Therapist can help you cope A woman involved with another man while still married seems obsessed with the latter and ends up questioning her relationship resilience. |
|
Poll: All in a Name A son is getting married and wants to take his bride's name as his own. Should his mother feel hurt? |
| August 6, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Things got rocky since his divorce A woman who had a baby with a married man won the man but is having second thoughts. Find out what advice Tanya dishes out. |
|
Poll: Shutter Speed A reader wants to know: What’s so wrong with a guy taking nude pictures of his girlfriend? Think he's a playah? Have your say in our online poll. |
| July 30, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Bring back that dating feeling A woman who hasn't dated in 18 months wants to know if she's waited too long already. Tanya says there’s nothing wrong with focusing on other things for a while, but avoiding dating out of fear is a passive way of going through life. |
|
Poll: Breakup Blues Another reader who just went through a breakup wants to know why it’s so easy for her ex to move on. Have your say with your vote. |
| July 23, 2004 | |
|
•
|
He's a jerk, but no one 'shacks up' And now it's time for some reader mail regarding last week's CASE OF COLD FEET, the guy who decided his live-in girlfriend wasn't good enough to marry. |
|
Poll: Had It With the Disappearing Act A long-distance boyfriend keeps coming back into a woman's life. Should she put up with his disappearing act? |
| July 16, 2004 | |
|
•
|
It's time to 'fess up to his lover A 32-year-old man who has decided his live-in girlfriend isn't "The One" asks what he should do. Tanya tells him straight-up what she thinks. |
|
Poll: So Close to Having It All What does it mean when a guy says, "I don't know what I want”? Take your answer to the polls in our online vote. |
| July 9, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Seriously, consider bailing out Oh, boy. A reader asks "Kisses and Misses" if she should continue dating someone who is in prison. Tanya isn't sure how one would even go about dating someone who's locked up... |
|
Poll: Where's the Love? A reader voices his fired-up opinion about the column being all about male-bashing. For this one, weigh in with your own vote on our poll. |
| July 2, 2004 | |
|
•
|
Resources for abused partners Last week, relationships writer Tanya Bricking Leach encouraged a reader in an abusive relationship to get out of her marriage. This week, readers sound off with their own advice. |
|
Poll: Latest Squeeze A girlfriend is troubled because her boyfriend of nine months still has pictures of ex-girlfriends in his computer and still talks to one ex. What should his girlfriend do about it? Weigh in with your vote. |
| June 25, 2004 | |
| • | Vows don't excuse his lies, abuse A woman who says her marriage has been nothing but abuse, lies and deceit wants to know what to do about it. This week's advice? D-I-V-O-R-C-E him. |
|
Poll: Going Crazy A reader who found the man of her dreams also found the future mother-in-law of her nightmares. Should she stick it out with her boyfriend, or leave because his mother is coming between them? Weigh in with your vote. |
| June 18, 2004 | |
| • | Ditch that may-stray boyfriend A girlfriend finds out her longtime boyfriend has posted a profile on an Internet dating site. Should she stick with him? Tanya says no. |
|
Poll: Game On A reader wants to know how he can play the dating game with a woman who's a "playah." Choose your answer to help him out in our online poll. |
| June 11, 2004 | |
| • | If he's a 'playah,' pack it up How do you spot a player? Let us count the ways. This week's advice column is all about red flags. |
|
Poll: Where's dad? A wife is bummed that her husband keeps missing their son's ball games. What should she do? Weigh in with your vote. |
| June 4, 2004 | |
| • | Like it or not, his ex is going to remain part of the package A woman says she found everything she dreamed of in a man she met. But his ex-wife is making life hell for her, and now she wants to know if there's anything she can do to make it work. |
|
Poll: Love on Hold Should a woman who took a "break" from her boyfriend be upset when he makes plans with one of her best friends? You be the judge. |
| May 28, 2004 | |
| • | Cruel breakup left her wondering what's wrong with him A bad breakup leaves a woman wondering what's wrong with her ex. Tanya's advice? Stop focusing on him and clean up your own side of the street. |
|
Poll: Timing Is Everything How soon is too soon to begin dating again? You be the judge with your vote. |
| May 21, 2004 | |
| • | Lose the cheat, stop his stomping on your forgiving heart She keeps taking him back and he keeps leaving her. Now a woman wants to know if she should move on without him or if there's a chance he'll change. |
|
Poll: Second Time Around A 35-year-old woman says she is done with being a mother and now wants something for herself. What is the best way to meet a guy? You tell her. |
| May 14, 2004 | |
| • | Ex-partner wants to confront lying cheat who sleeps around A woman who became pregnant by a man she discovered was a lying cheat lost the baby and now wants to lash out at her ex about his offensive behavior. Sounds like a soap opera, but the drama's right here. |
|
Poll: Tired of Waiting Around Should a woman should tell her guy pal she wants to be more than friends? Have your say. |
| May 7, 2004 | |
| • | Make time to be together when physical relationship falters A boyfriend's Big Chill in the bedroom leaves his girlfriend — the mother of their child — with thoughts of infidelity. |
|
Poll: Homebody Blues A new romance faces growing pains when one wants to go out and the other is a homebody. |
| April 30, 2004 | |
| • | Tough decision when clingy friends need to be cut loose Not all friendships are created equal. Some take a little more time and energy. And so the question begs: Is a high-maintenance friend worth all the effort? Find out in this week's advice column. |
|
Poll: Young'n A younger man wants to ask an older women for her phone number without looking like a dork. Your vote could make all the difference in deciding his next move. |
| April 23, 2004 | |
| • | 'Benefits' run out quickly in relationship based on casual sex Tanya doesn't see anything sexually liberating about a "friend with benefits" allowing herself to be continually disappointed by a guy who says he loves her but clearly doesn't mean it. Read her rant against the idea of being "friends with benefits" in this week's column. |
|
Poll: Co-worker Crisis on the Mainland Read all about a student who's hot for a teacher. Should she go after him or back off? You be the judge. |
| April 16, 2004 | |
| • | 'Joker' turns jealous over woman he met in card-game chat A man who met his lady love in an online chat room is jealous of her other online friends. She doesn't want him to be so controlling. He thinks he's being reasonable. Find out what our advice is. |
|
Poll: 2GOOD 2B 4GOTTEN A boyfriend's best friend (who happens to be a woman) is coming between him and his significant other. Is his girlfriend making something out of nothing? Weigh in with your vote. |
| April 9, 2004 | |
| • | Don't let boyfriend get in way of plans to get off the rock What if the Islands are giving you a case of rock fever, but your boyfriend won't budge? Kisses and Misses dishes out advice for the "GIRL WITH A DREAM." |
|
Poll: Flirt Alert Should a guy keep flirting with a girl who flirts back, even if she has a boyfriend? Click away and have your say. |
| April 2, 2004 | |
| • | Building trust takes forgiveness, commitment on both sides The "cheating heart" letters just keep coming. Here's one from a woman who's suffering after catching her boyfriend at it. |
|
Poll: For Better or For Worse He thought they were happy together, but 11 years into a marriage, a husband discovers his wife's affair. What do you think — should they stick it out? |
| March 26, 2004 | |
| • | Wanting an addict back points to another kind of addiction A Honolulu woman, who separated from her kids' father last year, wants to know if it's worth it to try to work things out and get back together again. |
|
Poll: Left My Heart in Waikiki A frequent visitor to Honolulu is hooked on a local guy. Is she coming off as too desperate? You decide. |
| March 19, 2004 | |
| • | Keeping past secret builds wall of defensiveness, mistrust Should you come clean about your past when you're in a new relationship? That's at the heart of this week's saga, about a Pearl City man who wondered if we'd even print his letter because he's gay. |
|
Poll: Sleepless in Paradise 'Fessing up isn't all it's cracked up to be, says one man whose confession made him look like he couldn't be trusted. Did he do the right thing? Let him know by casting your vote. |
| March 12, 2004 | |
| • | Hubby hardly home? Enjoy the time you have with him Should a lonely wife whose husband is busy at work force him to choose between career and love life? |
|
Poll: Local Girl at Heart This local girl left home, and now her Nanakuli friend can't make time for togetherness on a visit — because of the boyfriend. What to do? |
| March 5, 2004 | |
| • | Flaky guy slow to show interest; another man moves too fast Perhaps being on the cutting side of the hairdresser's chair has conditioned them to kiss and tell. But years of playing confidant to their clients' confessions haven't made it any easier for two local stylists to figure out their own relationships issues. |
|
Poll: Double Trouble Life gets complicated when a girlfriend starts to fall for her boyfriend's friend. Should she risk losing them both or go on not knowing what she might have missed? |
| February 27, 2004 | |
| • | Boyfriend who speaks with exes could become one himself What is it with exes who never seem to go away? And how much is too much, when the former lover keeps popping into your honey's life? |
|
Poll: Anonymous Doormat It's time again for one of the most popular questions in the "Kisses and Misses" mailbox: If you think your significant other has done you wrong, is it better to have loved and lost, or to stay with the jerk? |
| February 20, 2004 | |
| • | Dating hard to handle living in parental home Any single parent who steps back into the dating world knows how stressful it can be. But what about getting divorced, moving back in with your folks and still trying to have a love life? That's the situation a mother of three wants advice on. |
|
Poll: Wedding-bell blues A bride-to-be discovers her groom may be a cheat. What's a girl to do? |
| February 13, 2004 | |
| • | Are you feeling the Valentine's bah instead of the mwah? On this, the eve of Valentine's Day, prepare to take the bitter with the sweet. Here's what to do if seeing all these couples on Valentine's Day makes you sick to your stomach. |
|
Poll: Cradle Robber This week, a 38-year-old self-proclaimed "cradle robber" has questions about dating someone younger. Is it all right to lie about your age in the beginning and come clean later? |
| February 6, 2004 | |
| • | Joe's a schmo if he thinks fling with far-younger hottie will last He's 42, she's 19. It works for some movie stars, but what are the chances for Average Joe rising above the age issue? Slim, says Tanya. |
|
Poll: Miserable in Manoa A girlfriend throws a tantrum when her guy wants to hang out with the guys. What should he do? |
| January 29, 2004 | |
| • | Grandparents raising grandkids say love trumps resentment Grandparents from Kalakaua Avenue to Kansas and Canada responded this month to our question about whether grandparents rearing grandchildren feel resentment about the task. |
|
Poll: Hanai Girl in Kailua A family fight leads to harsh words when an adopted woman is told she isn't really part of the family. How should she work it out? |
| January 22, 2004 | |
| • | How much did husband play while military wife was away? In Kisses and Misses, a military woman wonders if her husband has spent too much time playing while she's been overseas. |
|
Poll: Money hungry? Someone who lent a "friend" $500 four years ago still hasn't seen the money. What should she do now? |
| January 15, 2004 | |
| • | Drama queen is wearing out welcome — and friend's ears Are you the friend who is always told you're such a great listener? Or maybe you don't even get any thanks because it's never about you, it's always about your friend. |
|
Poll: Fully Dressed With A Smile |
| January 8, 2004 | |
| • | They also date who sit and wait? Chances are slim, ladies Here are two different women who don't "need" a man. But they play the dating game because they want to share their lives with someone. So what are they doing wrong and what are they doing right? |
|
Poll: Frustrated Eligible Bachelor Do nice guys really finish last? A frustrated eligible bachelor wants to know. |
| January 1, 2004 | |
| • | Going too far? His wheels are spinning on the road to love A Big Island man is trying to figure out how much time to devote to budding romance. He's unsure about what to do but hopeful about the direction he's headed. |
|
Poll: Cooped up in the House A 24-year-old wife and mother misses hanging out with friends and meeting new ones. |
| >> More advice columns, 2003 | |
