Helpful Numbers

HAWAI'I

Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i
Hilo   961-2851
Kona   329-8331
Child & Family Service
East Hawai'i Alternatives to Violence   969-7798
West Hawai'i Alternatives to Violence   326-1607
West Hawai'i Family Crisis Shelter   322-SAFE (7233)
CFS Hale 'Ohana Domestic Abuse Shelter
Administration   959-6118
Hotline   959-8864
Hilo Family Visitation Center at Hilo YMCA   935-4330
PALS (Hawaiian Humane Society)   356-2223


KAUA'I

Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i   245-4728
Alternatives to Violence   632-5240 or 245-5959
YWCA Family Violence Shelter & Crisis Line   245-6362
Administration   245-8404


LANA'I

Women Helping Women   565-6700
or (collect calls 24hrs/day)   0-808-579-9581
Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i   565-6089
PACT Family Peace Center   244-2330
PACT Integrated Service System   565-9191


MAUI

Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i   242-0724
Women Helping Women
Hotline   579-9581
Administration   242-6600
TRO/Transitions Project   242-0775
PACT Family Peace Center   244-2330
PACT Family Visitation Center   244-5345
CFS Developing Options to Violence / TRO   877-6888
CFS Sexual Assault   873-8624


MOLOKA'I

Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i   553-3251
Moloka'i Alternatives to Violence   553-3202
Hale Ho'omalu - Domestic Violence Shelter   567-6888

 

O'AHU

Legal Aid Society of Hawai'i   536-4302
Toll Free   800-499-4302
Catholic Charities Therapeutic Services   535-0150
CFS Shelters Hotline   841-0822
CFS Developing Options to Violence   532-5100
Domestic Violence Action Center   531-3771
Administration and Education   534-0040
PACT Family Peace Center   832-0855
PACT Family Visitation Center   847-0015
PACT Pu'uhonua Crisis Counseling   585-7944
PACT Ohia Shelter   526-2200
Victim Witness Kokua Services
(Honolulu Prosecuting Attorney)   768-7401
Na Loio Immigrant Rights and Public Legal Center   847-8828
Neighbor Islands (Toll Free)   877-208-8828
Hale Ola Windward Spouse Abuse Shelter   528-1033
Salvation Army Na Lei Lokahi   232-0046
Ala Kuola (help with TROs)   545-1880


Military numbers

Army:
Victim advocates   624-SAFE (7233)
Family life consultants   222-7088
Marines:
Family advocacy   257-7784 or 257-8857
Domestic violence hotline   800-799-SAFE (7233)
Air Force:
Family advocacy   449-0175
Navy:
Family advocacy   474-1999
Victim advocates   590-7719


National

National Domestic Violence hotline   800-787-3224
TTY life for the deaf   800-787-3224

Helpful Web sites

Hawai'i State Coalition Against Domestic Violence   www.hscadv.org
Domestic Violence Action Center   www.stoptheviolence.org
Na Loio   www.naloio.org
Sex Abuse Treatment Center   www.satchawaii.com
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence   www.ncadv.org
Battered Women's Justice Project   www.bwjp.org
National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women   www.ncdbw.org
National Network to End Domestic Violence   www.nnedv.org
Family Violence Prevention Fund   www.endabuse.org
PALS (Hawaiian Humane Society)   www.hawaiianhumane.org


Safety Plan for Abused Immigrants
Adobe PDF format; download Adobe Reader

English
Marshallese
Ilokano
Tagalog
Samoan
Tongan
Japanese
Vietnamese
Korean
Spanish
Chinese
Thai

Sources: Na Loio Immigrant Rights and Public Interest Center. Call 847-8828 (Oahu); 1-877-208-8828 (Other islands)
What you can do

A Bystander, Relative or Friend

If you know or suspect someone is being abused. There are things you can do.

  • Let them know you are concerned about what you see (give examples of what you have seen)
  • Listen to them and don't blame them for the problem
  • Tell them it is not their fault
  • Let them know you are concerned for their safety (suggest they develop a safety plan)
  • Give them information about community programs
  • Allow them to make the difficult decisions they need to make related to their relationship (each of us makes different kinds of decisions at a different pace)
  • Let them know there are options
  • Know that they are embarrassed and ashamed, guilty or confused
  • Recognize that it takes a lot of courage to get support, ask for help or confide the intimate details of their relationship with someone else
  • Be patient as they consider their challenges and the pathway to their future
  • Leave the door open for them to speak with you many times as they decide what to do

    Parent of a teen

    There may be red flags that can provide a hint the relationship your child is having is not a safe or healthy one. Talk to your child about what you see. A jealous boyfriend who is possessive sometimes is flattering to the girl ("He loves me so much").

  • The boyfriend/girlfriend calls constantly
  • Your child always chooses to be with the partner
  • Your child refuses to participate in any family events
  • Your child's wardrobe changes (the boyfriend tries to dictate what she wears)
  • Your child gives up on other friends
  • Your child is often fighting, crying when she is talking with her boyfriend
  • Your child seems to have unexplained bruises
  • Your child violates curfew often (sometimes the fighting or controlling makes it difficult to meet family expectations)

    An employer

  • Create a supportive workplace environment
  • Develop a workplace policy to make victims feel safe
  • Be flexible
  • Ask questions
  • Provide supervisor training
  • Make materials available to those who may need it (hang posters in the restroom)
  • Provide support when it appears to be needed


  • Some things for victims to think about:

  • Not all domestic violence situations involve physical abuse. Domestic violence is about power and control. As a victim, you may suffer tremendous psychological abuse involving manipulation and control, without ever having been hit.
  • You don't have to face the abuse alone. It is normal for victims to feel isolated, afraid, embarrassed and even guilty. But many organizations are out there to help you.
  • If you decide to leave the abusive relationship, remember that leaving is not an event, it's a process, one that can unfold over months.
  • If you feel unsafe, call 911.

    What do you do if a woman confides in you about abuse?

  • Believe her
  • Respect her pace and be patient
  • Support the decisions she makes for herself. Help her make plans, but let her make the decisions
  • Take her fears seriously
  • Don't blame her for the abuse. Remember that her feelings about her partner are probably mixed. If you express too much anger at him, she may feel the need to defend him
  • Listen without judging
  • Explain that violence in a relationship is never acceptable
  • Provide her with information about local resources
  • She may need financial assistance, help finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings or help in caring for pets. She may need assistance to escape
  • Contact your local domestic violence program for advice and guidance
  • If she remains in the relationship, continue to be her friend while at the same time firmly communicating to her that she and her children do not deserve to be in the violent situation

    What you can do to fight domestic abuse

  • Raise public awareness
  • Invite speakers to groups you belong to
  • Read about the subject
  • Talk to your friends, family and neighbors
  • Volunteer at a local program
  • Make a contribution to a local domestic violence program (time, goods, money, services, cell phones)
  • Buy locks, tires, other household items that get destroyed through the violence
  • Participate in a silent march against domestic violence
  • Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don't involve degrading or abusing girls and women
  • Call your legislators
  • If you suspect abuse, report your concerns (child welfare services, police)


  • Some red flags

  • Are you a batterer?
  • Do you lose your temper often?
  • Do you criticize or belittle your partner a lot?
  • Do you accuse your partner of having an affair when she looks at or interacts with other people (men, family, friends)?
  • Have you pushed, grabbed or shoved your partner?
  • Are you jealous when your partner has fun with family and friends?
  • Do you use force to get your own way?
  • Have you hurt family pets?
  • Do you demand sex from your partner?
  • Do you think your partner is afraid of you?

    Am I being abused?

    Does your partner:
  • Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?
  • Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
  • Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
  • Tell you you're a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
  • Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault or even denies doing it?
  • Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?
  • Shove you, slap you or hit you?
  • Threaten to commit suicide?
  • Threaten to kill you?

    Some things for would-be abusers to think about

  • You cannot blame someone else for your actions
  • Your children will be affected by what they see or experience in your home
  • You have a choice to avoid using violence or being verbally abusive
  • No one wants to live in fear and with abuse
  • You can develop a better relationship with your lover by learning ways to show respect, share responsibility, and communicate as partners

    If you break the law...

  • You can be arrested
  • You have to post bail
  • You have to get an attorney
  • You have to go to court
  • You may have to serve time in jail
  • You may be ordered to a batterers' intervention program
  • You may be put on probation