Dear Advice Diva:

Isn't there something really odd about a man who would like to be fed dessert on a first date in reference to a past "first date" response? It brought to mind a pet peeve of mine. When I order dessert at a restaurant, the waiter will often bring two spoons or forks, assuming, I suppose, that I wish to share it with my dining companion. It could be my financial adviser or a business associate or perhaps a friend. This puts me in an embarrassing position as I really dislike having anyone contaminating my food. I can't think of anything that I might say without appearing rude. What do you suggest?

—Jane

Dear Jane:

We agree; this can be sticky, as many grown men and women (business associates included) think nothing of digging into another's dessert with gusto. Short of proclaiming that you dislike having your food "contaminated" (not the most PC word), we'd just say, when ordering, that perhaps the other party should order a dessert, too, as you are prone to colds and wouldn't want to infect anyone. Then tell the server to bring just one fork or spoon. Simple, no?

FIRST DATES

Turn-Ons:

1. A single, long-stemmed rose, or small box of carefully selected Godiva chocolates (four pieces are sufficient).

2. He selects a small, intimate restaurant (not expensive or noisy) where the menu is varied enough to offer a choice.

3. He offers his arm when we cross the street, and walks on the outside/curbside.

Turn-Offs:

1. Monopolizing the conversation, cutting me off before I have time to complete a sentence. Talking with food in his mouth. Spitting on the sidewalk while escorting me, or grabbing his crotch and scratching.

2. Being too cheap to pay for coffee, much less lunch or dinner. I met a guy when I stayed in a hotel in Orlando, Fla., on business. We decided to meet at the hotel one morning. He said that he didn't "do" breakfast or drink coffee, so he'd sit with me at breakfast and chat while we got to know each other. I ordered breakfast, so did he (full menu). The bill came, he didn't reach for it to pay or offer to split it or even leave the tip!

3. Dates from hell: I met a guy (from personals) who suggested that I park in a fenced parking lot in Coconut Grove, Fla., while we ate sushi nearby. We returned from dinner to find the gates to the parking lot double-padlocked with my car being the only one inside. Little did I know that he'd arranged to have my car padlocked inside behind the fenced parking lot, for shipping out to South America next morning.

—Wary of Crazies, Miami