We may have finally found something to test the limits of caffeine addiction: parents having to choose between quality time with the kids and quality java.

In cities around the country, coffeehouses are putting parents on notice that they and their children aren't welcome unless the kids behave themselves, refrain from rowdy behavior and use their "indoor voices."

From Northern California to North Carolina, the owners of these coffeehouses are trying to restore peace and quiet. They're doing it for the sake of their own sanity and that of their customers, many of whom go to these places to relax while sipping a cappuccino, not to put up with the tantrums common to daycare centers.

But try telling that to the outraged parents who are having fits over the new coffeehouse etiquette. Insisting that they, too, want to take a stand — against establishments that are less than kid-friendly — parents are threatening boycotts, protests and even lawsuits to get the rules yanked.

Oh, boy. It's just like the 1960s. Who said all the good causes have already been championed?

Going on the defensive, the parents say they resent the insinuation that they're not controlling their children. Some insist that kids will be kids, no matter what the parent does, and others see no reason that they should be deprived of the simple pleasure of lounging around in a café just because they have children.

I think I see the problem.

Part of it is that these days, people demand too much from their coffeehouses. These places have become gathering spots where people lounge around for hours, where college students do their homework and young professionals type on laptops. For these people, a trip to the coffeehouse isn't just a pit stop, it's an all-day experience. And the longer they hang around in that environment, the greater the chances they'll have to put up with a distracted parent and an out-of-control child.

But a bigger part of the problem is this: Exactly why is the child out of control? That brings us back to the parent.

Whenever this subject comes up, my mind always wanders back to my Mexican grandfather. As someone who didn't make it past the sixth grade before going to work, he missed out on a lot of learning. But when it came to the art of child management, he could give some lessons.

No one understood that better than his five sons, of which my father was the youngest. My grandpa could, in a public setting, control any of the five — or, for that matter, all five at once — con la pura mirada (with just a look). Behind the look was the understanding that my grandpa wouldn't hesitate, if necessary, to lay down a heavy hand.

Today, that sort of discipline sounds outdated. Some parents will say they oppose spanking on principle, or they'll cop out and say that these days you can't lay a hand on your own kid without being hauled before child protective services. But just as often, I suspect, the real reason you don't see more parents disciplining their children — at least not publicly — is that many fathers and mothers are loath to be the heavy. They want to be the pal, the person who goes out for ice cream.

That's nice. But what we're left with are parents who have checked out. In some cases, they let Spanish-speaking nannies raise their kids. And even when these parents are with their kids, they're not really with them. They let their kids run wild through supermarkets and department stores, yell and scream in restaurants, and, even in some cases, roll around on the ground like the family pet.

And now parents are complaining that they have to miss out on their field trip to the neighborhood coffeehouse — just because they have kids.

You got it. Just as people with babies who can't find baby sitters should get used to missing out on going to the movies. Chalk it up to the sacrifices of parenthood. Rather than force your child to adapt to your grown-up environment, why not spend more time in theirs? Next time, try the park or the zoo.

It boggles the mind. There are entire libraries full of books on how to deal with a problem child.

But what society really needs is a way to cope with the problem parent.

Ruben Navarrette Jr. is a columnist and editorial board member for the San Diego Union Tribune. Reach him at ruben.navarrette@uniontrib.com.