Q: My husband is concerned that our 8-year-old son prefers imaginative play over playing games such as catch or shooting hoops. He is an excellent student and is reasonably well-behaved. While his friends at school are boys, at home he plays with two neighbor girls, ages 8 and 10. Together, they pretend they are acting in "Star Wars" movies or are detectives trying to solve a mystery — that sort of thing. Also, should I be concerned of hand-flapping when he gets excited about something or sees someone he is happy to see? Those are, by the way, the only times I've seen the hand-flapping. Thank you for any comments.

A: Your husband is worried about that "g-word" thing, isn't he? Well, please tell Mr. Worry Wart that playing with girls does not compromise a boy's gender identity, and that preferring imaginative play over sports is rather refreshing. In that regard, I can stop my search for a boy who has refused to submit to his father's need to see him excel on the athletic field.

I do believe that having one's son involved in sports from an early age has become the way many of today's dads demonstrate their commitment to fatherhood and, furthermore, to instilling masculine ideals into their sons. Even sadder, I think many a dad actually feels his own masculinity confirmed by a son who excels in sports. In this context, many a dad would be highly threatened by the imagined implications of a boy who shows no interest in sports, much less resists his dad's efforts to mold him into a stereotype of masculinity. Please, as you are doing home therapy on your hubby, be sure to also tell him that masculine and athlete are not synonymous.

As for the hand-flapping, while it is true that this is one of many possible symptoms of autism and childhood schizophrenia, one symptom does not a diagnosis make. Plenty of people, in fact, exhibit isolated symptoms of various mental disorders. Very few people, relatively speaking, actually have a full-blown mental disorder.

A good friend of mine was given to hand-flapping when she was excited about something as a child. Today, she is a charming, intelligent human being and no longer flaps her hands; unless, that is, someone like myself asks her to play the "human castanets," to which she gracefully consents. This skill has come in handy at office parties and family reunions.

Whereas I would advise you not to do anything that might make your son feel that there was something "wrong" with hand-flapping, I would suggest that you tell him that the older he gets, the more likely it is other children will misjudge his talent. In that regard, I would advise him to be more circumspect where demonstrations of hand-flapping are concerned. Assure him that taking this "underground" will only be temporary. In college, he'll be a big hit at fraternity parties, and somewhat later he might even find that various contemporary musical groups become interested in his abilities.

John Rosemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him at Affirmative Parenting, 1020 E. 86th St., Suite 26B, Indianapolis, IN 46240 and at www.rosemond.com.