KANSAS CITY, Mo. — First dates may be the most awkward and self-conscious experiences known to humankind.

To help manage the stress of a first date and ensure the date's success, Niki McDowell, our source at the dating and introduction service It's Just Lunch, provided a list of 10 Things to Know Before Your First Date. First-daters are advised to memorize this list, which we have embellished. It's for your own good. Really.

1. Know your current events. Actual news, along the lines of Condoleezza Rice's latest diplomatic mission as opposed to the latest on Brad and Angelina.

2. Know the titles of at least three books on the New York Times best-seller list. This will leave a positive and lasting impression that you have actually read three books from the current New York Times best-seller list.

3. Know how to tell at least one joke well. No R-rated jokes allowed. (So save your favorite limerick, the one that starts with "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." for another time.) Also avoid jokes involving priests, rabbis, evangelists or blondes. These may offend, resulting in awkward silences.

4. Know how to pronounce correctly the last place you traveled to. This is less important if the last place you traveled to was Hutchinson, Kan.

5. Know the difference between a cabernet and a chardonnay. Better yet, watch the oenophile flick "Sideways" before the date. Be prepared to discuss your favorite scene and to rant about how Paul Giamatti got ripped off when he wasn't nominated for an Academy Award. (You do know what an oenophile is, don't you?)

6. Have at least one interesting piece of trivia to talk about in case the conversation lags. For example, an adult human head weighs 15 to 20 pounds. If you actually use this particular bit of trivia, the conversation may lag some more while your date recovers from the mental image resulting from your sharing this knowledge.

7. Know enough about the local arts scene that you can talk about it comfortably. This includes things such as theater, live music and First Fridays. Knowing which parking-lot vendor sells the best velvet Elvis paintings doesn't count.

8. Know which sport is in season and the name of your local team.

9. If you're stumped by the restaurant menu, just point.

10. Finally, know where you parked your car.