Men, there are many things you can do while your significant other is offering a detailed description of her day.

You can nod.

You can offer an intermittent "umm-hmmm" to indicate you're listening.

You can offer advice, as long as it doesn't interfere with the flow of the narrative and as long as you don't expect it will be followed.

One thing you can't do is snore, and under no circumstances can you let your eyes roll into the back of your head.

I'm serious. Are you listening to me?

As you might have guessed, I recently had a man who professes to love me fall asleep right in the middle of one of my fascinating tales of office intrigue.

I know! I couldn't believe it either!

OK, well maybe I could. It must be pretty, um, soothing to cap off a long day by listening to somebody tell you about her own long day. I see how that might be a bit tedious, so I forgive him for occasionally treating my drama like his bedtime story.

All kidding aside, it's situations like these that keep me humble. They remind me that things that seem hugely important at the time are really rather small.

I mean, there's nothing like a snore to calm any tempest I might find myself caught up in. Sure, I'd rather it be my snore, but his works.

I won't deny that our relationship has some communication issues. I talk too much. He doesn't talk enough. And while I don't expect him to remember the details of some TV show he doesn't watch, it would be nice if he could recall when he's supposed to pick up the kids without me having to nag him.

In general, though, I consider myself pretty lucky. I have friends who complain that their husbands don't listen, their boyfriends take everything out of context or their wives blather on about nothing in particular.

I have someone who at least pretends to take my nonsense seriously, even when it concerns people that he doesn't know and subjects that couldn't possibly interest him. On top of that, he often picks up on cues to give me a hug, tease me back into a good humor or respond with righteous alpha-male indignation.

Over the years, we've reached an understanding.

He accepts that I absolutely cannot make a decision until I've discussed every single option in excruciating detail ... on repeated occasions.

I accept that sometimes if I ask his opinion, he's going to give me a thoughtful answer.

He realizes that by the time I've asked the question, I've usually come up with an answer and I'm just checking to see if we're in agreement.

Needless to say, this scenario plays out differently with every new topic, and he can't anticipate whether it will end in laughter or tears.

The important thing is usually, once I talk through it, it's over. Then, once I've talked my way back from crazy, he gets a quiet respite to regain his own sanity.

The arrangement allows him to rest easy at night.

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com. Read her daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.