Going to Honolulu's Pro Bowl-themed club parties in search of actual pros can be a lot like dropping $350 for one of those mystery shopping bags occasionally offered by upscale retailers.

Nobody's gonna tell you exactly what's in the bag before you buy it. But oh how they'll tout the unknown treasures you might find within!

Pro Bowl players are promised, though rarely named in fliers. (Promoters are more often praying harder than patrons that a handful will show up.) Cheerleaders are often promised, and ... well, OK, the cheerleaders usually show up.

Out-of-town visitors? They're at these parties en masse.

So kudos to a few promoters this year for coughing up enough Hamiltons to entice an oddball handful of known hip-hop artists and DJs to sign performance guarantees for these parties. No surprise, there isn't a Kanye, Nelly or even Chris Brown or T-Pain in the bunch.

But Mr. Freek-A-Leek himself is here. And he's where we'll start our Pro Bowl weekend club and post-sunset round up.

The O Lounge's first of three Pro Bowl-related parties this weekend goes down tonight with a live performance by Southern-fried rapper Petey Pablo. The MySpace-sponsored party also kicks off the lounge's new (and oh so eloquently named) Clymaxx Fridays weekly.

DJ ERock, host of Sirius Satellite Radio's San Francisco hip-hop show "Bomb Bay Radio," will spin with fellow Bay Area turntablists Romeo Reyes and D'Jam Hassan. From 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., 18 and older. Call 944-8436.

Aloha Tower Marketplace's Official Pro-Bowl Block Party promises "NFL stars, cheerleaders and mascots" signing autographs and posing for photos, from 7 p.m. tonight.

We couldn't get a final list of NFL stars from the folks at the Tower, but they did give us the names of two dozen Pro Bowl cheerleaders and a dozen mascots who promised to attend.

If that kind of NFL player mystery is OK by you — heck, this is a free event anyway — you're at least guaranteed Na Leo and Imua at the Aloha Tower Lanai (Kapono's former space) at 8:30 p.m., Ina'ole at Gordon Biersch from 9 p.m. to 12:30 a.m., Makana at Chai's Island Bistro at 6:45 p.m., and others.

Not going to the Hawaiian Airlines Pro Bowl Concert with Katchafire, Camile Velasco, Ekolu, Kekai Boys, Kapena, etc. at the Waikiki Shell, 6 p.m. Saturday? The O Lounge hosts E-40 at 7 p.m., previewing songs from his upcoming "My Ghetto Report Card" CD, executive produced by Lil' Jon. E-40 DJ Pizo backs him on turntables. 18 and older; tickets are $35 (general) to $75 (VIP). Call 944-8436.

Post-game on Sunday, a few clubs are hyping Pro Bowl parties as if Monday were a holiday. One even confirmed players.

The most hyped (and potentially priciest) is the 2nd Annual Allstar Pro Ballers Ball hosted by New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan, with live spinning by MTV's DJ Skribble at Fashion 45.

It'll cost you $20 just to get in, $100 if you want to mingle with food and drinks in the same VIP room as the rest of the event's promised, though as-yet-unnamed, Pro Bowl players and luminaries. The ballers ball drops from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m., for 21 and older only. Call 256-7721 or 479-0335.

HBO Def Comedy Jam house DJ Kid Capri carts his crates of hip-hop to Pipeline Cafe's Overtime for his birthday party, hosted by the Raiderettes cheerleaders. Pro Bowl players confirmed by promoters BigBody Entertainment and SilentGroup.com include Roy Williams (Dallas Cowboys), Tony Gonzalez (Kansas City Chiefs), Deltha O'Neal (Cincinnati Bengals) and Derrick Burgess (Oakland Raiders). From 10 p.m. to 4 a.m., 18 and older. Call 589-1999.

The folks at the O Lounge go for a third night of live hip-hop with mixtape master, former Paul Wall associate and currently hot hip-hop star Chamillionaire, Sunday from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. Call 944-8436.

And finally, former hip-hop fool Biz Markie of "Just a Friend" fame spins old-school classics tonight and Sunday at Zanzabar's Pro Jamz 2006 party. Both nights are 9 p.m. to 4 a.m., 18 and older. Call 924-3939. No Pro Bowlers have been promised for either Biz Markie night.

Looking to rub shoulders with some of the NFL's best at the rest of the Pro Bowl parties? Don't believe the hype completely unless it comes with some real names attached.

Reach Derek Paiva at dpaiva@honoluluadvertiser.com.