In today's world, it isn't easy being a mom like Debbie Jennings.

Her son's friends drive fancy cars, fueled, maintained and insured by their parents, and reign over extravagant birthday parties flush with dozens of guests, entertainment, catered food and pricey gifts.

Doug Jennings, who recently turned 18, had two friends over to swim at his family's home and a barbecue later in the day, when he opened a gift he wanted the most on a lengthy list.

"Originally, he asked me if I would sponsor a paintball party for his birthday. I told him I wasn't spending more than $500 total, party costs and gifts included," says his mom, who normally spends $50 to $100 on Doug's birthday. "So he had a choice between a paintball party with a few of his friends and no gift (the party would be his gift), and what he ultimately chose."

Jennings, 44, of Chandler, Ariz., can afford to do more, but she's concerned that, by catering to Doug's every whim, she's guaranteeing him a big letdown when he gets into the real world.

"I believe this generation is a generation of entitlement, and we are setting our kids up to be failures as adults," she says, shuddering at the sight of a teenager with French manicured nails, professional blond highlights, designer clothes and a salon tan.

"So here is this high-maintenance woman at age 16 who is now your average high schooler. My son now has to compete with this, supporting habits formed at this young age, when he is older. I am truly afraid for his generation."

It's a generation with huge buying power, according to a 2000 report, The Kids Market, which estimated that children ages 5 to 14 influence family spending of more than $600 billion annually. Its younger members are outfitted in pricey hipster Appaman tees, a la Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, while those on the older side are captivated by MTV's indulgent and aptly named "My Super Sweet 16" and "Why Can't I Be You?"

HARD HABIT TO BREAK

In this age of product overabundance, some parents indulge their kids simply out of habit, child psychologist Sylvia Rimm says.

"People get in the swing of buying and buying and buying, and that crosses socio-economic classes," says Rimm, author of "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale Books, $14.95).

Others do so out of guilt, she says.

"Moms still remember when their moms were at home, so in some ways they're feeling like they're not doing it the way their mothers did," Rimm says. "The way you relieve the guilt is saying, 'I'm working outside the home, bringing in more income, and why am I doing that? So my kids can have what they need and even what they don't.'

"It's making up for the time we don't have to give to our kids. And it's hard to say no. ... It's easy to give in and make kids happy, but that's not parenting with the future in mind."

That may be especially true for baby boomers who often want to be friends with their kids, Rimm says.

COMPANIES SHARE BLAME

Susan Linn, an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, believes most parents are doing their best in the struggle against what she calls a marketing maelstrom. Corporate America is largely to blame for our overindulged society, she says.

"Parents and children are living in a commercially driven culture that glorifies conspicuous consumption, and that's harmful," says Linn, author of "Consuming Kids: The Hostile Takeover of Childhood" (The New Press, $24.95 hardcover). "Children are just inundated with very sophisticated marketing messages by companies that encourage them to nag their parents (to buy them things)."

Those messages persuade parents and kids that they can't be happy without certain brands or products, she says.

"People are buying into that belief that what makes a child happy is buying them things," Linn says. "But the research tells us that things don't make us happy."

Experts worry that overindulged children will become miserable adults. Not ever having had to delay gratification, they may always look for the quick fix, she said.

Doreen Nagle, author of "But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy!" (HCI, $12.95) says these kids may grow up to be bossy, selfish and demanding adults whose expectations in their personal and work relationships may be unrealistic.

They also may have difficulty having pride in earning rewards, Nagle says, because they've always gotten what they wanted.