"Mmmfh," my 16-year-old grunts as he points the channel changer at the TV set. He's sprawled out on the floor, flicking through the sports channels.

"I need your kokua." I say.

"Yeah, OK," he says, staring at the TV.

Whatever happened to my son ... the little tow-headed kid whose face lit up when I walked into the room, whose sunny disposition never wavered, the cheery, chatty child who could never contain himself?

The one who asked a whole bunch of questions and didn't stop asking until the response was to his satisfaction? The one who was curious about his world, so much so that he discovered at the age of 2 that a pebble fit neatly into his nostril?

Everyone used to call him the Campbell Soup kid. But now that bright, angelic face has been replaced with a smug, indifferent look.

The good news is that he reserves this kind of behavior for special folks: his immediate 'ohana.

When he's with others, his whole attitude changes. He's chatty, eager to please.

One of his teachers told me that she was amazed at our son and how he came to her rescue one day. She was busily unloading teaching supplies from her car. The number of packages far exceeded the number she could carry.

Our eldest saw that his teacher needed some help and ran across the way to offer it.

On several occasions when my mom comes to visit, our eldest will leap up from his position on the pune'e to escort his grandmother from her car to our hale.

My son's friend's mom expressed how much she enjoyed having our son visit their home.

"Oh he's such a delightful young man," she said. "He offers stimulating conversations and helps us clear the dishes from the dinner table. That's a reflection on how well he's been raised, you know."

Are you sure you're talking about the same kid?

Every 'opio or young person goes through a stage in their life which makes it unpleasant for those of us who have to live with them. But eventually they grow up and become responsible adults with good values.

Puehu ka lehu i na maka o ka mea luhi. (Ashes fly into the eyes of the toiler.)

This 'olelo no'eau or wise saying suggests that often we (parents) have to endure the unpleasant (our keiki's attitude) in order to gain the pleasant.

This is similar to a cook who gets ashes in his eyes when he blows on the fire.

Reach Ka'ohua Lucas at Family Matters, 'Ohana section, The Advertiser, P.O. Box 3110, Honolulu, HI 96802; at ohana@honoluluad vertiser.com; or fax 525-8055.