Q. Our 8-year-old son has had some self-centeredness issues that we've been working on since he was a toddler, the latest manifestation of which is excessive, loud talking. I can think of no way to put it other than he just won't shut up, especially around other adults. He interrupts constantly and, unless we intervene, he talks over his peers and younger siblings. We find ourselves constantly saying, "Sssh!" or "Let's hear what so-and-so wants to say." This has become embarrassing. Help!

A. This is one of the most annoying of childhood behavior problems. I'm sure that you have corrected your son more times than you can count. So it's safe to conclude that no amount of correcting is going to help. I'm also going to assume that you have tried today's standard forms of punishment.

So my first recommendation is that you abandon any and all attempts to punish or shame this problem away.

Up until now, you have been striking while the proverbial iron is hot. Now, strike while the iron is cold. Sit down with him first thing next Saturday morning and tell him, clearly and dispassionately, exactly what the problem is and why it's a problem. An 8-year-old can hear this without suffering emotional harm as long as you aren't screaming at or belittling him. Tell him that you have consulted with a person who is an expert on children who talk too much and learned that the problem is associated with lack of sleep. In other words, it's rude and so on, but it's not his fault! He's just not getting enough sleep! (There is, by the way, a bit of truth to this.) So, you're moving his bedtime back an hour until the problem is gone for at least a month.

This sort of disciplinary approach — redefining a behavior problem in a benign, noncritical fashion while at the same time levying a meaningful consequence — works especially well with problems that seem to stem more from a child's personality than some willful need to rebel. The key to its success is parents who can change their own behavior, to replace being frustrated and punitive with understanding, patience and helpfulness.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his Web site at www.rosemond.com.