Q. Our eighth-grade son is obviously intelligent, as demonstrated by the fact that he's in his school's gifted and talented program. Furthermore, he scored in the top 5 percent on his last national achievement test. His grades, however, are consistently average and have recently gone from bad to worse. He refuses to discuss his school problems with us and is often defiant and disrespectful, especially when we try to talk to him about our concerns. His favorite pastime is his Xbox. We are at a loss as to how to motivate him.

A. Your son needs a major wake-up call, but he's not alone in that regard. Underachievement is epidemic among today's youth. The factors involved in this torpor include a sense of entitlement (which they have come by honestly), grade inflation, parent over-involvement in homework, and electronic diversions. It is significant that nearly every time I hear of a boy who is performing well below his ability level, I also hear that he is spending disproportionate time playing video and/or online games. (For girls, the equivalent seems to be instant messaging.)

My first suggestion, therefore, is that you make the Xbox disappear, permanently. After my recent column on the 17-year-old boy who was obsessed with playing online games, I received several letters from counselors and addiction specialists thanking me for pointing out what they have known for some time: Video games are addictive.

The problem is that unlike a drug problem, this particular addiction is legal. As one counselor pointed out: "Parents seem to think that as long as their children are at home and safe, then they are OK. They don't seem to notice the subtle declines in creativity, affect, motivation, and simple thought processes (associated with video game addiction)."

Take that nefarious device and toss it in a Dumpster that's at least five miles from your house. When your son comes home and wants to know where it's gone, say, "Your priorities are obviously out of whack, so we have taken the first step toward helping you get them into whack."

He may become extremely angry, irrational and even threatening. That's how addicts behave when they are suddenly cut off from their "jones." In that case, you need to keep your cool and say as little as possible. Make clear that there will be no negotiation or discussion — that you've done what you've done and that's the end of it.

When he's calmed down enough to listen to you (which may take more than 24 hours), point out that he has never seemed to take seriously his academic responsibilities. You took his Xbox away because it was siphoning off his motivation and sense of decorum, and you are prepared to go further. In that regard, remind him that in two years, he will be eligible for a driver's license and then say something along these lines: "The way we see it, if you won't deal properly with your school responsibilities, then we won't be able to let you get behind the wheel of a car."

It's time for your son to be confronted with Real World Principle No. 1: If you don't do what you're supposed to do, you don't get to do what you want to do.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions at www.rosemond.com.