No matter how smart, nice and well meaning you are — or how important your message — when you speak, very few people are paying attention.

You could be holding a one-on-one conversation or giving a big speech. But colleagues, bosses, employees, clients and job interviewers are thinking about lunch or when they can get to the gym, or they're weighing the pros and cons of buying a hybrid car. They're tuning out because, well, they don't care that much about what you're saying.

There's just too much competition for their attention, says Mark Wiskup, author of "The 'It' Factor." So when you have something you want someone to hear, you have to not only be good, accurate and right to hold their attention. You have to build a connection.

That takes work. Just talking and hoping to make a connection is like "just setting foot in the gym and expecting to become fit and muscular," Wiskup says.

But first you have to have the humility to know that your words are not so brilliant. You can be the one who hands folks their paycheck or holds a high-ranking title. But people will not love listening to you, just because you are you, Wiskup says. Having such humility, first, will help you "explain your ideas with more energy and passion."

The key ingredient is painting a picture when you speak. For example, let's say you have to hold one of those difficult conversations with an underperforming worker who's about to lose his job if he doesn't shape up. You could do what most people would, giving one of those official, here's-the-situation-and-what-will-happen warnings explaining the person has 30 days to improve or else.

Or you could, as Wiskup suggests, paint a compelling, sad picture that the person would want to avoid, convincing them you really mean it.

You might start with: "We are going to have a conversation right now that will not be pleasant for either of us." You would depict the unpleasant details of what would happen if the person didn't improve — how you would hand the person his severance check and he'd pack up pictures of his family in a cardboard box, trying to avoid everyone's pitying looks. How you'd much rather take him out to lunch in a month "to celebrate a great turn-around," and that it's up to him to improve.

The second approach, while much longer, is used by people who "know the goal is not to seek sentences with fewer words, but rather paragraphs with greater impact" that will save time and energy later.

Whether you're holding a difficult conversation, explaining your value in a job interview or giving a speech, the best way to get someone's attention is to show you're willing to invest in the conversation. When you paint a picture, you demonstrate your commitment to the conversation, Wiskup says, proving you care about connecting with the person.

And when others "sense you are burning a lot of mental calories to connect with them, they will focus more on your words." You're showing them you care. That's building a connection and that's when you know they are listening to what you have to say.