It's been a tough 12 months for my three siblings and me, with the passing of our mother, who was the heart and soul of our family, and an uncle and aunt who were like second parents to us.

So we used the excuse of my upcoming 60th birthday to move past the funerals and get together under more pleasant circumstances for a week of sun and fun in Waikiki.

We had a great time and found plenty to celebrate. My sister Debbie and my brother Rick have welcomed new grandchildren this year, with another on the way. My sister Marilyn has stepped up to fill Mom's role as family historian. A nephew's wedding is coming up.

But the loss of Mom, Uncle Henry and Aunt Esther still weighs heavily, not only because they were so dear to us, but also because they were the last of their generation.

That leaves Debbie, Marilyn, Rick and me as the oldest surviving members of our family — and I'm the oldest of the oldest.

This hit me hard when my sibs gave me a beautiful book compiled by Marilyn chronicling my life that has gone from Los Angeles to Honolulu to Hilo to Washington, D.C., to Northern California and back to Honolulu.

I was floating on a cloud of happy memories until I got to the back cover, which said in big letters: "The Shapiro Patriarch." Underneath was a picture of me.

Whoa, I thought, patriarchs are old. Uncle Henry was 89. The political patriarchs holding positions of honor at the Democratic National Convention this week are men like our own Sen. Daniel Inouye, who is 83, and Sen. Edward Kennedy, who is 76.

I'm way too young to be old. I don't feel I'm seasoned nearly enough to be a patriarch, which raises a bigger question of leadership that I've always feared was lacking in my generation.

We got off to a good start by fighting to end a misguided war and promoting racial and social equality, but we got older and seemed to lose sight of these ideals as too many of us became devotees of self-gratification. Bill Clinton is our poster child.

Our parents' generation that fought World War II, which Tom Brokaw called the greatest generation ever, produced eight U.S. presidents; my generation has produced two — the charming-but-lackluster Clinton and the in-over-his-head George W. Bush.

Voters in both parties this year turned away presidential candidates of my vintage as the Democrats chose the much younger Barack Obama and the Republicans went for age with John McCain, who actually is old enough to be a patriarch. If either is elected to two terms, it's unlikely we'll have another president of my age again.

But all this musing about family patriarchy is just tripping, as we used to say back in the day. Our family has always been a matriarchy, with women like Mom and our Bubbie and Nana leading the way.

Oldest or not, I'm sure I'll be taking my orders from Debbie and Marilyn, as usual.

David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. His columns are archived at www.volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog, Volcanic Ash, at www.volcanicash.honadvblogs.com.

Reach David Shapiro at dave@volcanicash.net.