There are few things that can make a courageous man cower like shopping for that all-important diamond. There's something about setting foot in a jewelry store, all alone and insecure.

City Mill, Home Depot, Quiksilver, Roots & Relics - no problem. Stacks of lumber, drawers of nails, sporting goods, golf clubs - bring 'em on. But the daunting task of searching for the perfect diamond is downright scary. Aside from a house and a car, a diamond is probably the most serious purchase a guy will make.

Not to mention the many emotional aspects of the purchase.

Valentine's Day is one of the most popular days for guys to pop the question, so this week lots of guys are feeling the pressure to find the perfect diamond, to make that momentous moment perfect, and to ensure the answer is "yes."

"The diamond is a clear indication of a commitment; in fact, the diamond is synonymous with commitment," said Michael Han, president of The Wedding Ring Shop on Kapi'olani Boulevard.

Han said that about 50 percent of his customers are men shopping alone, without the woman for whom they are buying a diamond.

At Opal Fields in Ward Warehouse, according to owner Tom Wheeler, "a majority of men come in without their fiancee."

Here we offer help for the guy who is trying to find the perfect diamond ring.

KEEP EYES AND EARS OPEN: Wheeler, who is a certified gemologist appraiser, said, "It pays to observe your mate. What types of magazines does she read? What do her friends wear? What does she admire? Consult her mom, her sister, her friends - clandestinely of course, to really get a feel for the ring she may want. Find out where she stands; hey, you want to make sure the answer is 'yes,' don't you?"

Han suggests considering her lifestyle: Is she active and hard on things? If so, an ornate ring might be a mistake.

It could be helpful to go shopping with her and watch what she gravitates toward.

It's also important to establish what your budget is and be up front with the jeweler, Han said.

"There's no shame," he said with a smile.

There's no point in looking at a $10,000 ring if your budget is $2,500. If shopping with a woman, it's especially critical to discuss budget. It could be a disaster, or at least an embarrassment, if she falls in love with a two-carat diamond and your budget only allows for a half-carat.

One of the mistakes Han has seen men make is not being involved in the process of choosing a ring. "When shopping with your girlfriend, stay engaged in the process," he said. "Don't say 'Hey, whatevah, you're the one who's gonna be wearing it.' Instead, stay interested and offer an opinion, or she'll feel as if she's buying her own ring. Take a leadership role in the buying process."

Wheeler said the most foolproof way to buy an engagement ring is to purchase the diamond set in a simple solitaire with the idea of taking her in later to get the setting she wants.

Of course it's necessary to clear all this up with the jeweler ahead of time, so there will be no surprises on either end. "Remember," he said, "the investment is best made in the diamond, not the setting. The diamond is the timeless part of the ring."

Jason Dow, who makes custom jewelry out of Coral Loft in Chinatown, said he is seeing a trend with men buying a loose diamond and presenting it in a ring box. "This offers her some surprise and some choice," he added.

"Buying a diamond is always tricky. Compare it to other diamonds, of both greater and lesser quality" before making a decision, Dow suggested. "It needs to have that fire and sparkle and to do what it's supposed to do," create a little magic.

KNOW THY JEWELER: It's important to establish a relationship with your jeweler. The relationship shouldn't end with the purchase. Service is a key factor with a diamond ring, so a long-term relationship is highly desirable.

Most reputable jewelers will offer free cleaning, polishing and adjustments, such as checking the prongs to make sure the diamond stays secure.

Han recommends asking the jeweler up front about service arrangements, what's offered and how often you can bring the ring in. "I tell guys it's a right of passage, coming into a jewelry store," Han said.

Wheeler said it's important to ask for a jeweler's credentials and professional affiliations. The highest credential, he said, is certified gemological appraiser from the American Gem Society. You can learn more about certifications at www.jewelersofamerica.com.

Hey, guys, happy hunting. Keep in mind: "The diamond moment" is one she will remember for the rest of her life. She'll share every detail with her family, her friends and, someday, her children and grandchildren. Make it memorable.

Reach Paula Rath at paularath@aol.com.