When it comes to teaching manners to their children, Kelvin and Natasha Dailey typically follow the show-not-tell model in their Rochester, N.Y., home.

"We teach the 'thank yous' and 'please' and all of that, but a lot of what they learn, I believe, is what they see - how they see us react, how they see us talk to each other," says Kelvin Dailey.

The Daileys have two sons, Kelvin II, 6, and Kyle, 3. Along with raising healthy and happy children, the Daileys want their sons to grow into well-mannered young men.

The phrase "kids and etiquette" may seem like an oxymoron, but experts say teaching a child manners today can be beneficial tomorrow.

"Is it going to stop them from growing if they don't learn it? No," says Daniel DeMarle, education specialist in the behavioral pediatrics program at Rochester General Hospital.

"But it's really important for them in terms of friendships and in terms of future skills. The basic social skills we teach don't get you a friend, but they help you keep friends and they also help you get jobs later on in life."

Knowing that manners are expected in polite society is one thing, but teaching manners to little bundles of energy is another. What's a parent to do?

NO ONE WAY TO TEACH MANNERS

First, recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to teaching manners, says Cindy Post Senning, great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post.

While there is no sure-fire recipe, Post Senning swears by two pieces of advice that she offers parents: Know what to expect in terms of behavior and then expect it.

"Second, I call it the golden rule of parenting, and that's always be the person you want your child to be," adds Post Senning, co-director of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt.

"If you want your children to be respectful and considerate and honest, then you better be respectful and considerate and honest because they will model their behavior on you. You have to be eating in a way that doesn't gross everyone out at the table."

LESSONS CAN START EARLY

Post Senning suggests that lessons in etiquette can start before your child can walk or talk. Well, within reason.

"You start when you bring them home from the hospital by creating a climate of respect and consideration and honesty in your home," says Post Senning. "They're not, obviously, going to be putting their napkin in their lap at that age."

When kids are old enough to talk, parents can start teaching the basics like "please" and "thank you." At 2 or 3, a child may be ready to say, "Hi," even if they do it while hidden behind your knee.

At about age 6 or 7, says Post Senning, many children are ready to say "hello" with direct eye contact and even shake hands.

Table etiquette is another lesson that takes practice, says DeMarle.

"We teach kids to eat with a spoon when they are 3 and we forget to teach them how to eat with fine cutlery when they are 8 or 9 because we just don't eat that way that often," adds DeMarle.

"Some kids just aren't being taught the basic table manners because families don't eat together. We eat in our cars, and you don't use a spoon and fork when we eat in our car."

For some parents, the thought of teaching etiquette doesn't cross their mind until little Johnny or Jane begins visiting the home of their friends.

If that is the case, Post Senning recommends parents sit down with their kids and decide on the two or three manners to work on and that will hopefully become habit.

"Everybody in the family agrees that they are going to be doing this and they're going to work on it together and the parents are going to do it, too," says Post Senning. "And then, when you got those down pat, pick your next three."

For the Daileys, it's very important that their sons mind their manners while visiting others. Before an outing, the Daileys chat with the boys about how they are expected to behave.

They're confident that Kelvin II and Kyle hear them loud and clear.

"When they leave here, I feel pretty good that they'll be pretty mannerly," says Kelvin Dailey.