Here's a tableau Norman Rockwell might have appreciated: the family gathered in the living room for a new ritual — the phone call from Iraq.

There are the soldier's parents and siblings, spouse and children, aunts, uncles, cousins. As the phone passes from hand to hand, everyone says the same thing. "Are you OK? Stay safe! I love you."

The conversation is intense and emotional. And it is less than entirely honest.

That's because the purpose of calls between the home front and the war zone is not to inform and enlighten, but to comfort and support. Few of the callers, here or there, tell the whole truth all the time.

Cindy Hayes, 32, is an Army wife who lives with her daughter near Fort Campbell, Ky. When she talks with her husband, Zack, in Iraq, "I don't tell him anything that would distract him. If our daughter's sick, I just say she's sick. I don't give any details, because he'll think about that while he's on a mission."

Nor does she ask about what he's doing: "I don't want to know anything. I've heard stuff I shouldn't have heard when he was home. Now, we don't talk about it at all."

Because people separated by the Iraq war can communicate so quickly and easily, many are careful about what they say, via text messages, e-mail, video and phone — not so much to protect military secrets as to protect each other. In the military, the mantra is: "Keep it positive."

In Iraq, for the first time in U.S. military history, the human voice has become the most important link to home.

Troops who invaded Afghanistan in 2001 sometimes were out of direct contact with their families for weeks or months. Now, soldiers and Marines head to Iraq with laptops, prepaid phone cards, software for Internet phone calls and video cameras.

In 2004, according to a survey by U.S. Military Academy sociologist Morten Ender, one-quarter of the troops in Iraq called family or friends in the states at least twice a week, and 10 percent phoned daily. Because more soldiers have cell phones now, Ender says calling frequency probably has increased significantly among the current force of 160,000.

The military has installed thousands of phone lines and established scores of Internet cafes in Iraq. The USO has given away more than 2 million prepaid phone cards. The Freedom Calls Foundation provides 1.5 million free calls a month to service members and families.

As a result, the spouse-at-war can remain involved at home — to hire a lawn service, pay the bills, yell at the kids.

Last month, Army Maj. Eric Karis participated by phone in his daughter's parent-teacher conference in Fayetteville, N.C.

"If there's a real problem with the kids, I'll let him step in and say to them, 'Knock it off — listen to your mom!' " says Karis' wife, Margaret.

When Gwen Devera-Waden was first deployed in 2005, she was able to call her husband and kids in North Carolina once a week; on this tour, the Army major can call every day.

Spc. Brandi Palmer, an Army reservist, calls Salt Lake City first thing in the morning to speak to her 18-month-old daughter, Camri.

"It's so reassuring to hear her little voice, and hear her say, 'Mama!' when she hears my voice," Palmer says. "It's good to know she still knows who I am."

Says Marine Sgt. Randy Morrow: "One phone call can make everything happening at the time go away, and lift the spirits. Anytime I can talk to my wife and children on the phone, it is a great day."