FORT WORTH, Texas — I have survived the college application process with my son, and for those embarking on similar quests, I have nine simple words: You have no idea what you are getting into.

We took our first official college road trip in spring of '07 when Jack was a junior, and since then I've learned that while colleges remain somewhat similar to what they were a quarter of a century ago when I was a student, the process of admission has changed. Simply put: It's much more competitive than it used to be.

A story in "The New York Times" in early April gave some statistics to back up what many seniors and their parents had already heard — "the number of high school graduates in the nation has grown each year over the last decade and a half" and is expected to peak either this year or next, making this the most competitive year in our lifetimes for college admissions.

Add to that other new factors in the admissions race, such as "the ease of online applications, expanded financial aid packages, aggressive recruiting of a broad range of young people, and ambitious students applying to ever more colleges," and you've got a blueprint for a superhighway of national Admissions Angst.

As an example, the "Times" noted that 10 years ago Yale University received slightly fewer than 12,000 applications. This year, 22,813 applied. The acceptance rate was 18 percent a decade ago, and now it's less than half that.

For those embarking on the road to admissions, whether you're looking at Yale, the University of Texas or a small private school where you're assuming your child will be a shoo-in, take heed and get ready for the ride. While you'll hopefully enjoy the time you spend with your child, as I did, you'll probably discover that most of the ride itself isn't very much fun.

Here, some tips and strategies for fellow parents, gained from my long, strange trip down the Admissions Angst Highway.

1. Start early and visit as many schools as you can.

Our first visit was to Rhodes College in Memphis. Halfway through the tour, Jack whispered, "Let's get out of here," so we did. The school was too small, he said, and he wasn't crazy about the neighborhood.

I've heard lots of admissions representatives give this advice: Look at as many schools as you have time for. Take the tours. If you drive up and your kid says, "No way," move on. The more schools your child sees, the more she'll begin to see patterns in what appeals to her: big vs. small, urban vs. middle of nowhere, etc.

And while I don't have any empirical data for this, I think if the school knows you visited (and perhaps knows that you can afford a visit), it shows an interest level that may help your plea for admission.

Note that I said "may."

2. Start a file and help your kid manage deadlines.

Helicoptering mom that I can be, I maintained a filing system for all the colleges Jack was interested in. On the cover of each manila folder for each school, I wrote out all the steps and deadlines for various parts of the application process (teacher recommendation forms, alumni interviews, supplements to the Common Applications, etc.). Some schools, like the University of Southern California, have a non-mandatory early form, for example, that simply shows interest. Again, I don't know if it will help, but it can't hurt to show the school that they've been on your list for a long time.

An admissions officer at Vanderbilt had some interesting advice: "Tell us you love us. We want to say 'I love you' back." One way to show a school you love them is to jump through all their hoops, completing optional forms and turning everything in on time, if not earlier.

3. Look for "hidden" deadlines.

Jack applied Early Action to one midsized university in Louisiana and when he was admitted, he was also offered a very attractive merit scholarship. He didn't apply separately for the scholarship — it was based on his original application. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but we hadn't even known this was a possibility.

I then looked at other college Web sites and realized that other schools do this, too. Look carefully through sites to find out if schools your senior might be interested in have merit scholarships awarded based on the original application. Then get your application in by the early deadline that this will inevitably entail.

You might want to create a calendar specifically noting all deadlines for the application process — national deadlines for signing up for and taking the SATs, financial aid form deadlines, etc.

4. Read some books.

I recommend Princeton Review's "361 Best Colleges" (recently updated to "366") for basic information. A short book called "Acing the College Application" (Ballantine Books) became my touchstone. Written by Michele Hernandez, who used to be an admissions director at Dartmouth College, it was loaded with insider advice on essays, interviews and the Common Application (six of the eight schools Jack applied to accepted the Common App, along with some sort of supplement).

I wish I had read this book before Jack's senior year. When I saw: "Work experience. Leave this section blank at your own peril," it was already December and far too late. Volunteer jobs, which Jack had had during the summers, are listed in a different part of the Common App than "work experience." It all kind of reminded me of when Jack announced in May of sixth grade that he had a project due the next day that he was supposed to have been working on for the last three months, and it involved growing plants. It was just too late.

5. Don't assume your child will get information the same way you do.

It took me awhile to realize that just because Jack was not reading the same books I was, he was not being a slacker. He found Internet sites that gave students' scoop on colleges. He networked through texting, asking opinions of friends who were visiting colleges, and friends of friends who were already attending some of the schools he was interested in. He talked to teachers and got their insight.

And if your child declares that he doesn't want to go to a school because all the kids look "weird," remember that may be a valid opinion. Your kid, as part of the kid species, will have better insight than you do into whether other kids look like they've been smoking pot or studying all night.

6. Apply Early Decision/Early Action whenever you can.

Not all schools have Early Action and/or Early Decision programs.

Early Action, in my opinion, rocks. It is nonbinding: If you're admitted, you don't have to go. EA applications are due usually about Nov. 1, which forces your child to have essays, teacher recommendations, etc. all done by then and saves you from having a completely disastrous Christmas holiday because at least some of the essays and Common App forms are done long before regular-admissions due dates in January.

Hopefully, your child will also be admitted to a school or two through EA. In December, Jack learned that he was admitted to two schools (a college in Colorado and the Louisiana university), which took a some anxiety out of the long, discontented winter of senior year while he was waiting to hear back from other schools.

Early Decision is trickier. It's binding. On one hand, if your child knows this is the one and only school for him and money is not a concern, ED can be great if your child is accepted. The decision will be made before Christmas and you can relax all through senior year.

ED has some risks, though. If you're accepted ED, you're stuck with whatever financial package the college offers you. If you're not accepted, your dreams are completely crushed around mid-December right in the middle of exams, and then your child will have to spend his vacation filling out applications for other schools while he is in a funk.

This was the scenario at our house for Christmas '07. Joy to the world.

7. Don't count on admission to your 'safety' schools.

We were pretty sure Jack would get into a small, private school in Virginia, but he was waitlisted.

Why? Who knows. Sometimes one school gets too many applications from a region so your chances are slimmer, even though you're well qualified. Jack visited the school and sent in the application early, but he didn't call to ask for an alumni interview. Maybe that showed he wasn't saying, "I love you." In "Acing the College Application," Hernandez says sometimes schools waitlist or reject students who they sense are using the school as a "back up."

In any case, given the competition for schools today, the traditional term "safety school" may very well be an anachronism.

8. Don't assume rejection at any one school means you won't get into another school, even one that's more competitive.

No one was more shocked than Jack when he learned on April 1 that he got into two of his "reach" schools. The Early Decision rejection had given him the impression that all his "reaches" would be, well, out of reach. When he opened the envelopes, he had to go lie down for several hours because he felt so dizzy.

Rejection was rampant in this competitive year. Many students in Jack's school seemed to be routinely rejected from schools for which they were well qualified.

But keep your hopes alive. Acceptances still do happen.

9. Don't assume that because your child is applying for admission to fall '08 that that is what she will be offered.

Jack was admitted to the University of Texas, for example, but only if he started in the summer '08 session. Once again, we had no idea this could even be a possibility until the acceptance letter arrived.

A private university in California admitted Jack, but with the caveat that he would have to start in January 2009. We didn't really know what this meant until we revisited the school in May for their admitted students' day.

These alternate start dates come with some trade-offs, obviously. Do the homework if you're offered admission with a non-fall start date to see exactly how this might affect your child's first-year experience in terms of everything from housing to frat rushing.

10. Try not to let other kids and parents freak you out.

Some senior will get into their top choice school, will learn about it early on, and the news will spread through the hallways of your child's school. The parents will then begin a year-long, nerve-wracking buzz about who's gotten in where.

While most people will be in the same boat as your family, waiting to hear from schools until April, weighing lots of factors into the final decision, it may well feel like you are alone on Admissions Angst highway.

If you are a Type A mom like me, you will lose much sleep in your child's senior year, worrying about all the details of admissions and what you could have done differently.

You may even start avoiding other moms, just to keep away from the buzz and the endless unspoken comparisons of your child's progress vis a vis that of his peers.

One thing to keep in mind: Remember that every family is different and a school that's exactly right for one may be completely wrong for another. Just because little Annie is going to one school, doesn't mean it's right for Susie, too. Help your child choose what's best for her and her alone. You know your kid. Trust your instincts and the information that you've gathered in the application process.

11. Try not to strangle your child.

Try to remember that your kid is under even more pressure than you feel as the parent of a senior. Kids are in school every day getting an update from their co-travelers on the Admissions Angst highway. "Did you hear Sean got into UVA? And Amanda got a scholarship to Denison?"

Try to put yourself in your kid's shoes and be kind to your angsty teen. This can be very difficult. Your teen may glare at you during college visits because you're embarrassing him by your very presence. Your teen may get angry at you when you ask him to help navigate you through the suburbs of Boston because you're interfering with his desire to listen to his iPod. Your teen may snap at you that he's missing a field trip to Six Flags with his class because you've been inconsiderate enough to book his visit to an upstate New York college on a Friday (even though you did that — and took a day off from work so you could accompany him — so that he could be back in time for the prom on Saturday).

These are trying moments.

This is why you should try to build some fun moments into those college trips, too. Jack and I now have shared memories of moments of bitterness. But we'll also always have Disneyland.

12. Be ready to move on.

You may give up many weekends, many vacation days and many dollars in the pursuit of learning about and applying to schools.

Your child may or may not appreciate what you're doing.

Your child may or may not take your advice on which school to attend.

You may have a terrible fight in an L.A. hotel room when your child tells you that he considers himself a Texan and has no interest in attending college in any other state and you then ask him why the heck you've spent the entire year going through this long, expensive process touring colleges from California to Massachusetts.

In the end, the good news is, your child will leave home and go to school. And hopefully, he or she will work hard and be happy. And you, like me, will hopefully give up the driver's seat on the Admissions Angst Highway (and the driver's seat on the helicopter you've been flying over your child's head for the last 18 years, monitoring his every move).

And then you'll need to find something new to do.

Unless, of course, you have another child queuing up to go to college. In which case, you've got some work to do.