You've seen the ads on TV for the Kinoki foot detox pads, right? The ones that are supposed to draw toxins out of your body as you sleep. When you peel the white adhesive patches off your feet in the morning, the purged toxins are purportedly evidenced by dark splotches on the white pad.

There are actually quite a number of brands on the market, but Kinoki is the one with the commercial that compares the human body to a tree, our feet being like the roots, where helpful and harmful substances enter and leave our bodies. Except humans don't work like trees. Not most humans, anyway. Not most trees.

Other brands claim to not only remove toxins but enhance circulation and combat fatigue. Even good old middle America Avon is selling detox patches as part of the company's health and wellness line, so the foot-as-root concept has taken a turn toward the mainstream.

Most of these foot patch brands have vinegar and various woodsy herbs listed in the ingredients, which means you wake up smelling like you ate namasu in a sauna. For some, this might be a nice alternative to other foot smells.

But what if it were really that easy? What if you could get out all the junk that collects in your body and mind in an overnight treatment? What if you could stick a sour-smelling herbal patch on the bottom of your foot before you turn in for the night and wake up the next morning purged of the experiences that haunt you and influences that taint you?

Peel back the adhesive and take a look at what poisons came out of your body.

Oh! There's the ex-friend who happily blabbed every secret you ever shared.

Oh! There's the psycho boss who piled all his insecurities in your in basket.

Oh! There's the crazy guy who keeps writing snarky things on your blog.

Oh! There's your blog! Those things are full on toxins.

Mufi Hannemann might wake up and find Jeremy Harris finally flushed out of his system.

Linda Lingle might peel off a foot pad and find Mufi Hannemann staring up at her from the adhesive.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama could walk away from this primary battle with clear minds and clean feet.

Such possibilities.

The efficacy of the foot detox patches have not been evaluated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, and surely one of the active ingredients not listed would be "suspension of disbelief."

But the popularity of this oddball health treatment lies in the idea that we are burdened by impurities and unhealthful substances. Clearly, people are eager to find ways to rid themselves of negative influences. Right living and right thinking are just too hard. Pasting something to the bottom of your foot is about all the commitment to a lifestyle change some can handle.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.