How are we at telling our friends the truth? How are we at hearing the truth? It's been said, "There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself. An enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly."

In the Bible, Nathan is a member of King David's entourage. But he's more than a groupie; he's also a trusted adviser. Do we have a Nathan in our inner circle of friends?

A Nathan tends to show up unannounced and take the moral temperature of a particular moment in our life. They reveal if what we are doing is right or not. In 2 Samuel, chapter 12 you'll find Nathan taking the moral temperature of King David.

Why did David need his moral temperature taken? He had just stolen a beautiful woman from her husband and then had him put on the front lines of battle, effectively getting him killed. Nathan knew about it. When we discover sensitive things about people, we've got to know what to do with that information. We don't always have a relationship that grants us permission to speak to people about these things and not everyone likes his or her moral temperature taken.

If you read the passage, you'll notice that Nathan didn't approach David pointing and waving a finger at the King in front of everyone saying, "Brah, you've messed up big time."

Instead, Nathan told him a story. Why would he reveal David's sinful mess by telling him a story?

The Bible teaches that we are to "speak the truth in love." (Eph. 4:15) A Nathan is someone who helps us to do what's right, especially in stressful times.

At this point in his life, David didn't have the moral character and maturity to keep himself out of trouble. He didn't start out that way, but had to work through some issues, especially as King of Israel. It's like Simba, in "The Lion King," who had to go through some rough times to figure out what was fitting behavior for a king. His problem, at first, was that he didn't want to accept the responsibility. He needed help doing what was right. Rafiki, the baboon in the movie whose Swahili name means "friend," was Simba's Nathan. Rafiki would remind Simba of his fathers' ways. A Nathan would remind us the ways of our Heavenly Father. A Nathan helps us to bounce back from adversity.

Nathan speaks the truth. However, there is a difference between truth telling and truth dumping.

Very few people can handle being dumped on. The challenge for all us is to be truthful with each other from the beginning, so that it's easier to share the things that are nakedly true. We've got to find the right words before telling someone the truth. Actually, we've got to do more than that.

Author Charles Swindoll suggests that to be effective in confrontation, we need to equip ourselves with four things. If we don't, we can do more damage than good. We need to confront in the absolute truth (facts no gossip), with the right timing, wise wording and fearless courage.

Notice that most of the letters in the word courage are also in the word entourage. Our entourage needs to include people of courage. But their courage must be accompanied with love. Therefore, we must confront out of love. A person, who doesn't love, doesn't confront with the grace of God. (1 John 4:8)

The Rev. Darren T. Galindo is pastor of Windward United Church of Christ in Kailua.